Today is a great day. It's the second day of school and my first day with no antibiotics in five months straight. With any luck, that fourth round of meds will be my final round in my battle against late stage Lyme Disease. YAY!!

Of course, only time will tell. I could be writing here in a few weeks that my symptoms all came crashing back and the doctor is debating on installing a picc line or not. He wasn't too thrilled to hear I was going on a cruise in November and he was disinclined to let me have a picc line while traveling out of the country... but there are lots of variables in play, so I'm going to think positive and live my life like I've beat this damn disease.

My good friend, Karuna, moved back into the country last week and we went to lunch yesterday. It was terrific to see her and kind of wired, in a good way, too. We both said it felt like the two years hadn't existed and it was as if she'd never left. Funny how close friendships can feel that way. She's known about my writing since the beginning and has supported me through emails, voting, facebook comments, and spreading the word however she could. It was incredible to see her as enthusiastic about it as I am.

Ahh... but it keeps leading me back to the inevitable... What to do about my book? I received a rejection from one of the last four publishers that has it, it was a longish kind of rejection - basically saying he liked the two MCs, their relationship & chemistry, and my writing and the premise and setting, but was disappointed the mystery didn't take more center stage.

I've said from the beginning the book is not a mystery, but more of an adventure. Apparently, it crosses so many genres it doesn't fit in any one of them squarely and it leaves the publishers floundering on what to do with it. I'm pretty sure the other publishers are going to reject it too. If they really wanted it we would have heard something by now. Sure, we could start submitting to the smaller houses now, but is it worth it?

And that's the $64,000 question.

Can they do more for me than I can do on my own? With the changes undergoing the publishing industry is it even worth it to take the risk on a smaller house?

Karuna said the same thing a lot of my writing friends have said to me in the past ten months. That I've basically exploded off the page out of nowhere and most writers take years to get to where I am. Not that it was a bad thing, just that it is not usual. She made me feel better about my collapsed friendship with my former writing partner, even pointing out that my surpassing her in our nine months of close association was what could have led to our falling out.

Jealousy is a wasted emotion in my mind. When I start to feel the slightest green-eyed feelings I immediately turn it around and congratulate the person and wish them the best. My time will come someday and in the interim, I'd like to think there is enough good will to go around and I should rejoice that someone else's hard work has paid off.

The erotica venture is going well. Although, due to their crappy "publisher" page, I have no idea how many actual subscribers we have on the Kindle. In addition, it turns out they don't allow periodicals (newspapers, magazines and blogs) to be downloaded anywhere except to the Kindle device. This issue didn't come up for me b/c I have a Kindle. So for any of you who'd like to read some well written erotica, please stop by this direct link and check us out:

http://everythingerotic.wordpress.com/

We've got on-going serials, stand-alone stories and a plethora of other naughty things in store for readers. You can also keep in touch with the site on Facebook and have the latest episodes available to read in the notes section (as a feed):

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Everything-Erotic/144858635539180?v=wall

Today marks the day of a new chapter in my life. I'm antibiotic free and I'm going to go exercise before some shiny object (or email) distracts me and I keep my ass in this chair longer than I should this morning.

Wishing you all a great week,
C.J.

I stated in an earlier post that I joined a Boot Camp program on savvyauthors.com and so far so good!  I'm certainly in a better spot that I was ten days ago, but I'm not quite on track to meet my goals yet. I'll have to kick it up a notch and write everyday for the next seven or so. Especially since I want some family time when we head to Charlottesville the weekend of the 18th.

I'm doing things a little different with this second book and it's causing me some anxiety. During the four months while I wrote the first one I was struggling to learn to write, join critique groups and learn to crit (as well as learn to accept crits!), posting online on WDC for short reviews (or what I call opinions), launched my Facebook page and posted my work, entered contests, joined two writing guilds and multiple sub-chapters and started blogging.

The process was so convoluted I'm amazed I got anything done. I was editing the early chapters whenever I took a break from writing, and in doing so I learned how to write better. My old writing partner and I often joked that the book takes on a completely different feel about 1/3 of the way through. And I think it does. It gets a bit darker and moves from the light hearted fluff of chapter one rather quickly.

Now, here I am with a fairly good grasp on how to write, knowing what my voice is, and I'm doing well in my chosen style. But I'm writing the book faster and losing track of things in my mind. Could be the Lyme's affecting my concentration, but with the first book I knew exactly what time it was in every single scene. Or it could be the head-hopping with multiple POVs in this book that makes things so different.

I'm focusing more on understanding the personality of who I'm currently writing rather than what time it is and where we are on the super-fast timeline. With the constant darkness of my setting and most of my characters being vamps, there doesn't seem to be a break with sleep and what not when the action starts to fly - and like I said, it makes keeping things straight rather hard.

I've gone back and started to guesstimate the time on my outline, so that I have a clue when employee shift changes would happen and which employee would be at the front desk, that kind of thing - but honestly it still feels "off" to me. I'm smack dab in the action and some of the details like time and schedule are becoming fuzzy - which can thankfully be fixed in a revision.

My first book didn't call for a lot of revising (which could change drastically when a publisher's editor gets through with it!), so knowing I'm leaving stuff out and moving forward with the story is driving me out of my comfort zone.  But I'm willing to give this method a try. I'm 40% done with book two. I added up all my weeks of actual writing (you know, not sitting on my ass and surfing the net or blogging) and I've worked roughly 5 to 6 weeks so far on this book.

There are a lot of writers that work faster and a boat load more that work slower, so I think I'm doing okay.

I got another rejection yesterday from my agent. Here it is:

I read the whole thing, and then I kept on mulling it (for several weeks!!!). It has its good points, definitely, but it feels more like a paranormal that belongs on a romance list rather than on the fantasy side. The husband/wife relationship is unusual in the paranormals that we publish. I’m afraid I’ll have to let it go.

Not bad as far as rejections go in the big scheme of things, and it's still out with five other publishers, so hopefully one of them will think the story is strong enough because of the same things that doesn't make it a cookie cutter urban fantasy. This publisher was looking at it for a straight fantasy line - and depending on the amount of sex they are comfortable with in the line she certainly could have made some slam comments, so I'm glad she didn't!

The bright side is the story stayed on her mind for a few weeks. That sounds to me like she liked it and was trying to see if she could make it "fit" into what they already produce. Most writers forget, the publisher isn't rejecting your work because it sucks (it never would have made it this far if it sucks, and you have GOT to believe that) - they are rejecting it because it doesn't fit their needs at this time.

This is a business -- and publishers are out to make money. If they had a vamp book that was stronger than mine -- or one that fit the imprint/line better-- then that is what they are going to take a risk on. Not all large publishers are able to take a chance on an unknown writer who is not writing what is currently popular (an unmarried heroine who is kick-butt and not always interested in romance, but out to save the world/solve a crime... you get the idea).

One will be. I know it. Hopefully, it will be sooner rather than later.

How do you deal with the rejection? Let it go? Binge on chocolate? Rant and scream?

Or do you realize that it is only a hurdle, one more bump on the road, to what will be the end result: getting published. 

It will happen. I just don't know when. It was Luc de Clapier who said "Patience is the art of hoping."


~C.J.

Oh, and hey - totally off topic. I did some actual physical work this week in the house. Yes, my hubby is thrilled. I stained, sanded and poly'd (repeat the last two four times) our front door. Doesn't it look shiny?

Next is painting the murphy-bed cabinet I've been putting off for weeks, staining the deck stairs and the picnic table outside, and applying teak oil to the kids wooden play set.

Ah... the joys!

This week and last have been filled with new experiences for me. Hell, the past month has been life changing. From a death in the family, ending a relationship with my writing partner and friend, to launching a new venture and starting to write again.

I feel like a phoenix rising from the ashes. A molten spark of life in me glows brightly and will not be extinguished. No matter what.

I got involved with a Shut up and Write group on savvyauthors.com. Which has turned out to be a nice group of writers who encourage each other to meet our varying daily goals. I also signed up for Boot Camp next month on the savvy site to up my word count and get my head back in the game with The Hunt.

In the past two weeks I've written over 6k words on my latest WIP, and while that may not be blockbuster numbers for some writers, it's sure as hell better than where I was prior to that. I lined up some excellent guest bloggers on Wicked this past week- Cheryl K. Tardif and Bertena Varney, as well as lined up more for the coming weeks.

I'd love to get a co-blogger to share my days on both WITS and W W, to not only lighten my work load, but to attract a larger audience. So, if any of you reading this are interested please drop me a line. We're also actively seeking permanent bloggers to the Wicked blog on set days of the week - right now, Wednesday and Friday are open.

One thing the larger group on WITS has shown me is that the sense of community and friendship grows with the amount of people with positive energy in the mix, so I think expanding Wicked will be better with more members in the long run.

I also have some news--even though most of you have already read the excerpts I've posted on FB and other various locations of my first book--the online ezine Blood Read will be serializing the first seven chapters of Vampire Vacation, starting in June. Will I have to change this plan if I get a contract offer? I'm not sure. We'll have to wait and see when an offer comes in and what the verdict is then.

I've been spending some time since Eric's death over at the Vamplit writers social online network. I've met some really talented writers over there and am starting to build some friendships. My old writing partner made me feel like a shit heel for an email I sent out to one of our old co-bloggers who happens to act as an admin over at Vamplit. Stating I drove our co-blogger off when I was attempting to address some issues that were brought up in the group.

It doesn't appear that my old co-blogger hates me, so I'm going to ignore the accusations my writing partner flung at me while wishing I had never listened to her complaints and tried to fix them in the first place. For a while there, because of my old partner, I wasn't so sure I was cut out to try and organize a group of writers.

No matter when you try something new, there is bound to be doubts and fears. But having someone in your life that doesn't support you and instead blames you for all the things wrong in their life is unhealthy. I know a good idea when I get it and I'm not going to give up because of some set backs.

And truthfully? Neither should you.

Accept yourself for who you are and embrace it. Once you're comfortable in your own skin you will be able to see the relationships you've accumulated slowly over your lifetime that are unhealthy and a drain on you. Life, as I've learned more recently than I care to admit, is painfully short.

Don't waste a moment on the ones that say you can't do something, you shouldn't do it, or place blame at your feet. Blame gets you nowhere and neither does guilt.

Let it all go, so that you can rise from the ashes and soar like you were meant to.

Don't be afraid to dream-- and be determined to work your ass off to make those dreams happen.

Have a GREAT holiday weekend everyone!
~C.J.

I wrote last week about getting things in order in my work life and lining things up to focus on my writing. That is what I intend to do so you won't be hearing from me on here for a while. I'll still blog over at Wicked Writers on Mondays and the new group blog Write in the Shadows on Tuesdays, which launches this week. But something has got to give if I'm going to be juggling all these balls in the air, so for now I think it may be this blog.

I really enjoy writing on here because I get to share parts of myself and not worry about what anyone thinks. After all, I'm not attempting (because, hey, sometimes I screw it up) to organize a bunch of other writers-- it's just me. I will still be doing Sex Toys on the Sixteenth because it's just so damn fun. Don't get me wrong, I'll pop back in from time to time and write, but probably not as much.

The recent death of my nephew has greatly affected how I feel and how I'm looking at life right now. Last Friday, I had a very good friend dump a whole bunch of petty issues she's been hoarding for months on me and I don't think I can handle writing in good humor for a bit.

I feel lost and slightly broken hearted. She's not my only friend by any means, but she was a very special one and the crap she handed me felt like kicking a dog when it's already down. I haven't had anyone treat me this way since high school, and frankly that's what this whole debacle is - immature and stupid high school behavior.

Hey, but she feels better for getting it off her chest, so some good came of it, right?

We've all had times like this in our lives. I'll get through it. Just like you all do. With some time and good friends who accept me for who am I and don't try to make me feel bad for not being the person they want me to be.

Want to know some things about me so you'll know to avoid me if you ever meet me face to face?

I talk a lot. I tell long funny stories. I have strong opinions. I give good no-nonsense advice, sometimes when you don't ask for it. I tell the truth, yes, I try to sugar coat it with politeness, but I will tell you the truth-- always. I don't back down from challenges. I stick up for my friends and I'd give them the shirt off my back if they needed it. I'm outspoken and I don't mince words. I excel at organizing things and live most of my life by a plan. I lead in situations where others would prefer to watch. I make mistakes. I admit when I'm wrong and I try to make things right. I don't always succeed. Then I move forward.

Just like life.

I need to repair my heart and guard it a bit. I'm not feeling much like reaching out and being social, even on a blog. But, to my friends out there that keep dragging me out and making me--I owe you a big thanks. We all need a kick in the ass sometimes and I appreciate it when you give me the kicks I need.

Life is short. Don't waste a moment of it on regrets and petty bullshit.

C.J.

I've been farting around for months now.  I allowed a contest to get inside my head, then a bunch of bloggers, then my illness climbed on my back to pull me down when I was free of most of the bullshit life heaped on me... and right as I struggled to get back on track and organize myself and my thoughts... Eric died.

Don't get me wrong - there's been some good the past few months too.  I landed an agent and currently have more people considering my book than rejecting it (hey, always a plus). I started a group blog and most weeks it's been a lot of fun.  I've met lots of new writers, joined some new sites and met some book bloggers that didn't hate my book at first reading. So yeah, life hasn't been all bad.

I've been reading some blogs from other writers and blogs from friends and one thing has become painfully obvious over the past few weeks. Life does go on.

There may be things I'd like to shout to certain family members about their behaviors and choices in life, but I will refrain. After all, if they haven't figured this crap out by now then nothing I can say will help.

I'm going to start writing again, but only after I finish editing my writing buddy's work.  One thing I haven't mentioned on my blog, because of all the other stuff going on it seemed rather petty in comparison, but she's is pulling away from writing right now.  She's not giving up, she just has to re-prioritize what she can do with her time for herself and for her family, and writing comes in after that.

It's been hard on me because she has also pulled away from our friendship. We used to spend a lot of time on the phone and email each other constantly.  Writing quickly took up a big BIG chunk of our lives this past year. I know she feels overwhelmed and this is her way of dealing with things, so in response, I need to be grown up about it as well.

Before I get back on track with my own writing and life I need to finish editing her work. I signed up for a great writing site: www.savvyauthors.com and joined a writing group to make some friends and stay motivated. I'm still getting to know people and talk in the forums, but so far everyone seems pretty cool and on track.

I'll take the rest of this week to do my partner's remaining chapters and then get back to writing for several hours a day on Monday. My goal is to get most of this book done before the kids get out of school.

Pete and I still feel like we're in a haze. We tend to go to bed early and stare mindlessly at the TV for an hour or so before that. But yesterday was a good day. I went in the hot tub before dinner (I walked for an hour and was already in pain, damn I'm out of shape) while the kids played basketball. Pete cooked and then we had a fire in the fire-pit table Eric built for us.

The day before was even better. The kids made me breakfast in bed, and ate most of it. We planted two vegetable gardens outside and then soaked in the hot tub before having my folks and my brother over for a nice Mother's Day dinner.

Each day that passes and each happy moment makes us cherish life all the more and be grateful for what we have. The pain will ease a bit little by little and we won't feel awkward when laughter grips us in its hold.

I plan on dedicating my second book to Eric. Now, I just have to get off my ass and finish writing it.

Write on!
~C.J.

My visit to the infectious disease specialist went well yesterday.  He decided I should stay on the oral meds for at least one month and we'd revisit the topic at my next appointment (in three weeks). I may have another month of meds after that and then we'd see if I relapsed with symptoms again.  Only then would he suggest another picc line.

I'm torn.  I would rather have it now than in the summer, but I'm not a doctor so I'll defer to his expertise.  He doesn't like the risks associated with the picc line and would rather try this current treatment with the thought that the bacteria multiples slowly (unlike others, like a staph infection) and perhaps there is not a lot left in my system to battle.

Considering how quick my symptoms returned last time I don't think I agree, but I'm game to try anything to get better. He said that as long as the symptoms are gone then the lower dose of meds is working fine.

I edited three chapters yesterday and spent a lot of time with my kids outside. So far, so good.  I think my writing partner is starting to doubt herself and her ability to do this as a long-term career.  She's been working hard lately and I sincerely hope I can convince her this is just a phase she's going through.

We all face this in our lives, in whatever career we pursue.  I think in writing it can be exceptionally hard for some because of the sheer time involved with no pay back.  She's painting an incredible picture with her words and her story is engaging. It's not the urban fantasy genre, like mine, so she wonders what kind of market there is for it.  Only time will tell.

I've helped her with some plot points recently and it helped the whole novel come together for her.  In turn, it has made her doubt if she could do this without me.  I explained this is the nature of writing partners - we're here to point out details, improvements, brain storm, and help when you write yourself into a corner.

I think today I'm going to suggest she open some books on her shelves and read the acknowledgment pages. That's where she'll really see what I mean.  Authors thank editors and agents, sure, but some also thank writing groups, writing partners, critiquers... you name it!

Perhaps it's harder for her because she doesn't have dozens of eyes on her work like I do.  Between her, Pete, my local friends, WDC, and the beta readers on FB, I have at least 100 pairs of eyes on mine before it goes to my agent. I need to get her set up this week on WDC with an account.  I think it will be exactly what she needs. Readers--real people--telling her if they like her work or not.

In the end, that's what will make or break you - your ability to appeal to readers, your ability to pick yourself up when you get a kick to the gut with a harsh crit, and your ability to improve over time.

Today, I'm almost through the first chapter to edit and I have two more to go.  Since I don't have to leave mid-day for a doctor's appointment, I'm hopefully I'll get my edits done on my outline too.

Busy, Busy!!
C.J.

**Oh, and be sure to stop back by mid month for Sex Toys on the Sixteenth!  I've written the post already but plan to add to it a bit over the next week as well ;-)

Wow, have I got a lot on my plate this week. I'm going to try not to whine about it, but figure I could clear my head here for a minute and think of all I have to do to get focused.

Today, over at Wicked, Kerri Nelson blogs with us about short stories. She's doing a book giveaway and we're announcing the start of a new contest - one that we hope will encourage our readers to write and submit their own short stories to be posted for the world to see.

Next -- and most important -- my buddy, is doing a final push to get her work polished this week to start querying next week.  This is so huge for her, I don't think I can properly form it into words without more coffee in my system.  But, this also means I've got to edit fifteen chapters this week, and when you consider I'm pretty damn slow that's at least fifteen to twenty hours of work.

Third, my outline for The Hunt has to get re-written to pass muster for a publisher.  I put it off while my Lyme's symptoms came roaring back, but now that I'm feeling better on the new meds I've got to hop to it and get it done. I'll look at it in between chapters. The hope is by switching from one task to another throughout the day I can not feel bogged down with any one item for two long.

Fourth - I agreed to judge one more entry for the Stroke of Midnight contest offered by an RWA chapter I'm a member of, Passionate Ink. I still don't know why people agree to judge, are giving over a month to do their entries, and then back out at the last second and tell the coordinators "oh sorry, I know they are due tomorrow but I didn't do all five of mine."  Half of the entries I judged were pretty good, and so far this one looks decent, so it shouldn't be that hard - but another 60 to 90 minutes at least.

Fifth - okay this one will have to wait 'til next week I think (or the weekend).  I'm planning another group blog with three writers so far.  I'd like it to have five, so I've got some feelers out and so do the other writers. It's going to be called Write in the Shadows and will be comprised of fantasy & paranormal writers and book reviewers. The launch is May, and I know I can get it done by then. It's more of a back burner project right now.

Oh - and lastly - I have a doctor's appointment today.  We'll be discussing this current antibiotic treatment, how to move forward, and whether or not I'll be getting another picc line in my arm. Yes, it will suck to be in Disney with a picc line, but the alternative is not getting better, so I'll opt for inconvenience. It's absolutely extraordinary the difference being on the medication makes. The side effects suck, but they are much better than the Lyme's symptoms so I'm not complaining too loudly about them.

To round things out on a positive note before I head off into editorial land for the day -- we had a great two days in Hershey!  It was opening weekend, which I did not know, and the park was packed, but the weather was so gorgeous we didn't care.  The camper was fun and the campgrounds had a lot the kids could do. They made new friends, they wandered with walkie-talkies, played in the playground, rode scooters, fell in the stream repeatedly and generally were pretty good kids.

Pete and I relaxed at the site, walked the dogs, read books, had leisurely meals and did not bring our computers.  So huge for me not to bring mine, I can't even begin to describe it. Now that things are heating up on the publisher front I may bring my laptop to Disney so I can write during the evenings, we'll see.

Wishing you all a great week and I will try and post again before the week ends.

C.J.

Hello, hello!  I hope you all had a relaxing weekend, like I did.  I swear I didn't want to come home.  The fact that my kids had to go to school and my folks couldn't handle them for longer was the only thing that made Pete and I come back. Yeah, yeah... I'm a bad mom for wanting alone time with hubby.  Eh, the kids will live a happier life if we're happy, so I think it's a wash.

We had a fun time drinking, indulging in questionable substances, and laughing. Both of us dreaming up ways to promote the book.  One idea was for me to write men's inspired erotica fiction for publication girlie magazines.  Do you think it would work?  We certainly had a grand 'ol time planning it out and laughing about it.

Here's the basic premise:

A rock band made up of one male singer and four female band members. Setting is Manhattan in our current time. Each short story is told from the guy's POV. The name of the band is Butt Boy and the Receptacles. With a name like that we had to go with an all female band or he would have sounded gay, right? Not that anything is wrong with being gay, mind you.  But to appeal to an all male hetero crowd I would need to be clear.

Each mini adventure would be another conquest of Johnny's - be it a fellow band member or a groupie.  Endless possibilities, yes?  Appeal to the male dream of living the life of a rock star and getting lots of tail, yes?  A way to reach out to the male audience when most of my audience is female?  Maybe.

The short story series would be called:

The past two weeks have been a whirl wind.  The weather is getting better and I've been exercising and working my butt off.  I've polished and re-polished my MS with help until I can't stand looking at it anymore.  The good news is my agent is so kick butt it's already been requested by thirteen NY publishers!

Whoot!

Reality check: Do I honestly think I'm going to get a ton of offfers?  No, but one and not thirteen rejections would really, really be cool. Kristin had me hustle and do all the "next steps" so I'd be ready if/when a call comes in.  Full marketing plan, outline of book two, five polished chapters of book two, two-page descriptions of book three and four, and I think that's it, but I don't remember... my brain is mush.

On top of it all, my Lyme's symptoms may be coming back.  I don't want to think negative thoughts and hey, it could just be stress, so I'll wait a bit more before I start crying in my beer.  I'm tired but can't sleep, feel cranky because of it, and am quick to anger.  Two days in a row I tried to nap in the afternoon when I felt like I couldn't work anymore. My head hurts from 1 p.m. 'til bedtime and what I thought might be triggering them (an overuse of Advil when I was on the IV meds) may not be the case. Some numbness and tingling started in my left hand again... but it's not as bad as it was before.  So that's good, right?

Could all be stress and the change of seasons.  We've had such a hard winter and sometimes the barometric pressure changes associated with weather fronts can do a number on migraine sufferers like me, so I'm hoping that's where the headaches are from.

I met some friends this week for lunch to celebrate a birthday in the group and one of the attendees has been diagnosed with Chronic Lyme's. Interestingly enough, she has been treated for two years with Lyme's and only got pointed in the right direction when she went to my infectious disease specialist.  He broke the news to her that she no longer has the Lyme's bacteria in her system and she is unfortunately suffering an auto-immune disease triggered by exposure to Lyme's (wrongly called Chronic Lyme's b/c it has no name).

She was advised to go see a hematologist and a neurologist (both of which I've seen the past few months) in the hopes that they can help her with a plan on what to do about the Lyme's-like symptoms she's suffering from.  Usually steroids of some form are used to treat various auto-immune diseases to suppress your body's over reaction. But I have no idea what they do to treat Chronic Lyme's.  Looks like I know what I'll be researching on webmd next. ;-)

I'm curious to see how her journey goes and will be keeping in touch with her to find out (it was our first time meeting this week, even though we had heard of each other through the birthday girl).  My heart goes out to her and to others like her that are suffering the effects of this disease even after treatment.  There is so much we don't know, and last year I was one of the dozens who scoffed "What's the big deal?  Can't you take a pill and it goes away?"

What are the chances that I may wind up like her?  With two auto immune diseases already and a doctor that says "get ready for more as you age," it's more like what are the chances I won't wind up like her.  I live in Loudoun County, Virginia.  The epi-center of Lyme's disease in the nation right now. When I lived in Jersey, where Lyme's was big in the 80's, there weren't as many cases around me as there are now.  Ten people (that I know of) on my street alone have it.

In Jersey they just hunted the damn deer to control the ticks (and, of course, to prevent the deer from starving in the winter).  I don't know what's going on here that makes hunting such a un-PC topic.  Bambi lovers, please don't write to me in outrage.  I love nature too, but you'd be singing a different tune if your child had to get a picc line in their arm to battle a disease from a bug bite they got in their back yard. And if you weren't outraged by the fact that the local media talks about it very rarely so as to not affect the attractiveness of "the richest county in the America" during a recession, then your priorities differ from mine and we'll leave it at that.

Oh -- and here's the sucky part.  You can get Lyme's again after you are cleared of the bacteria.  All you need is to be bitten by another infected tick and have them convey the bacteria to you in a bite.

If I do wind up a chronic case I will gladly be a guinea pig for the doctors with my auto-immune disease-riddled system.  I won't let this damn thing beat me, not by a long shot.  I'll try diets and herbs, exercise and steroid suppression treatments - anything!  But I won't give up.  Doing so is too scary to contemplate.  Maybe I'll become a little mannish from the steroids (we joked about it at lunch), or maybe I'll slim down and get muscular... like some female super hero... uh yeah, keep dreaming.

Life's not perfect.  I've got so much goodness in my life right now with my family, my home, our lives and this bright shiny un-known future with my first book.  I've gone up against writers who've been at it for years with loads more experience and education to get where I am.  Me!  Little 'ol can't-have-concentrated-sulfites-or-gluten-Lyme's-infected me.

Hell, if I can do it, so can you.  Don't hold back. Spring is a time of re-birth.  Get off your ass and live life to it's fullest.

You want to be healthy?  Stop eating processed crap and eat fruits, veggies and lean meats.  It will take time.  Food is not a reward, living a long life is.

You want to lose weight?  Get up an go for a walk, every step counts.

You want to write a book?  Start by writing one hour a day, every damn day, no matter what.

This is all stuff we know, right?  The difference is doing it.

Let me start by scarfing down some fruit and yogurt for lunch.

Who's with me?

C.J.

I meant to write on Monday afternoon and let you all know how the meeting with my agent went. Unfortunately, I got caught up in all the work she asked for, and pushed to get as much done as I could.

I'll go over the highlights briefly: We discussed some of her other clients, her background, my second book, thoughts on the third and fourth in the series as well as a continuation of a new story arc in book five if the series sells. I told her about my ideas for a YA series and a children's book series as well.

I outlined all I've done so far to market myself and all I still plan to do. We discussed the industry, foreign markets and the Hollywood option. It was a three and half hour meeting and I left feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from me. Finally, someone who could focus on selling my book to big NY houses for me and I could focus back on writing.

I hadn't realized how all-consuming it had become for me to sell my book. I think it's because of the talk Pete and I had months ago about "you can write the second book anytime, but why bother if you can't sell the first one?" that really stuck with me.

Having someone on my side and not having to split myself with the attention that self-publishing would require feels incredible. Do I think things are magically going to happen overnight? No, I don't. I'm an optimist who is well balanced with realism.

So far three large publishers have requested my full MS within the first day of queries.  I don't know how you'd feel if that happened to you, but it felt pretty incredible to me.  Maybe they will all reject it, maybe it won't fit their current needs at this time... who knows? Time will tell and so far Kristin has four more queries out as well that she may hear back on as soon as next week.

I think the best part about my meeting with Kristin was her sharing her thoughts with me about where the book "fits" in the market. She feels strongly that the book is mainstream, not genre fiction (like Romance, fantasy, or mystery), and is seeking publishers open to what she called a "complex and well-layered story" that mirrors what the public is currently clamoring for.

I've been busy this week with getting the rest of what she asked for from me: First to make all the small edits she caught in my full MS (done); write out my marketing plan in detail (done)-- b/c even if a publisher doesn't want to see it, apparently having one in place and them being aware part of it is already in play is key; list of all authors I've read in the genre that are similar to my book, their publishers and editors if I can find them (important to narrow focus within the industry); outline the second book (still working on getting it from paper to computer); get the first four polished chapters of book two to her (sending today); and a short synop of book three and four by next week.

It's been a busy, busy week to say the least! Kristin seems like a real go-getter and I'm so stoked she took a chance and read my story. She told me the amount of vampire books sent to her over the past two years has been staggering - and none of them were worthy of finishing until mine. That's bound to make you feel good as a writer on so many levels.  I'm lucky my head made it through the door after that!

Well, I'd better crack the whip on myself and get back to work. I have edits for people I want to get out, contest entries to judge, an outline to get in my computer, and some chapters to read again before I send them to my agent.

Feels so cool to be able to say that. My agent. Wow.

Who would have thunk it last year? Not me. Not by a long shot.

C.J.

I posted prematurely on Facebook that I was signing with my agent yesterday.  Turns out our nephew, Eric, opted to stay one more day so I changed my epic lunch plans. (If that's not love, I don't know what is!)  I'll now meet with Kristin Lindstrom, of Lindstrom Literary Management, on Monday to sign a contract with her in person. To explain how excited I am would be like trying to explain any high point in your life - the words come out garbled and the meaning is never quite conveyed with any measure of accuracy.

I can tell you I go from one extreme of feeling on top of the world, to the low of feeling like I'm going to be sick from the adrenaline high.

This week has been amazing on so many fronts.  We got to spend some time catching up with Eric - it was our first time seeing him in ages and he just came back from a one year tour in Iraq.  We went out to dinner with my folks last night to celebrate Eric's safe return home and my news with being offered representation.

We played a board game on Eric's first night here, and I received further proof that my brain is not anywhere near being back to normal.  I didn't remember the rules on how to play the game so I read the directions and proceeded to play badly for the next 45 minutes.  My husband and my daughter both made comments like "I never get this many blue cards, you usually do" and "This is the game mom always wins." And yet, I couldn't remember anytime I'd won and couldn't remember if I even liked the game.

I didn't dwell on it much, just took it with a grain of salt and moved on - what more can you do?  But it prompted Pete to talk to me about it later and we had to address the whole "it will take months to get back neurologically to where I was before Lyme's hit" issue again.

Moving on... The other highlights to my week were stopping the IV meds on Wednesday and getting the picc line removed today!  Yippee!!  I had naively thought I would be hot-tubbing and taking a long bath tonight.  Those plans will have to be relegated to tomorrow, because I have a pressure dressing on for the first 24 hours to make sure the wound heals properly.

In retrospection, this week seems surreal.  The call from Kristin, the terrific feeling that someone in the know really likes my book, the subsequent pipe dreams that followed the call... It's so hard not to get my hopes up and yet I really do hope with all my heart that this leads to something.  Getting an agent is the first step.  Getting a good agent can make all the difference in the world.

I did my research. I believe in this woman.  Now, I just have to face the fact that this may be the first BIG step in my new career. I'm excited and terrified all at once.  I know I'm not like the other writers that struggle for a decade to get where I am right now.  Sure, I've worked hard, but so have they - who's to judge who's deserving in their work?

I know what I really am - Lucky.

To quote Oprah, because I think she said it best "I feel that luck is preparation meeting opportunity."

I won't argue that I haven't prepared.  I know authors that have signed deals without even having a blog ready - and yet here I am with three blogs, a website, Twitter account, Facebook profile and business page, Goodreads account, Library Thing account... and just about anything else I can think of to promote myself.

And yet what I really feel is...





Grateful.





The road ahead will be rough at times.  I have more doctor visits in store and I have to see if my Lyme's comes back.  But overall, I'm grateful for my life and the people that are in it.

Stay tuned while we see what deals may be in store (hopefully) for V V.  I'll blog about it and reveal details when I can about upcoming deals (I'm sure there will be time constraints on that).  The future seems blindingly bright and yet scary as well.




I wonder... what will it hold?




Have a great weekend everyone!  I'll tell you about the lunch meeting on Monday afternoon!

C.J.

What do you do when an agent who requested your full manuscript calls you a few days before you thought she'd even be finished reading it?  Does your mind go blank for a moment as you stare at the name on the caller I.D. and you seriously wonder if you should pick it up or call her back?  Do all of the carefully crafted questions you have for an agent (in a word doc) leave your head and you flounder for the span of a heartbeat?

Well, that's what I did.  I let the phone ring in my hand as I pondered what to do for two seconds.  I had just joked on my Facebook page, with another writer friend of mine, that we should print our questions up and have them ready in case we get "the call" soon.

Of course, flying blind, I answered the call.  And proceeded to babble for a bit like a fool.  My sales experience kicked in and I immediately asked about her pets I heard in the background. The enthusiasm I had in talking to a live agent, who obviously liked my work or wouldn't be calling, spilled over into a lively conversation about her pets, the pets in her neighborhood, her funny/crazy trip with family and my own humorous experiences with somewhat crazy family members.

It was delightful.  I couldn't have asked for it to start better.  I could have shut up more and not stumbled on my words, but hey, the adrenaline coursing through me made me pace and babble while I was on the phone.  I walked the border of the rug in my library over and over again, like a nervous sheepdog.

I discovered the personality behind the voice on the phone and we made a real connection as people, not as writer and agent.   I had enough sense at some point to stop adding to the side topics and let her direct us back on track.  I wanted her to do it so I didn't come off wrong (read here: pushy). She said some fantastic things about my book and showed me that she had really read it by revealing her insights and questions.

Somehow, I remembered my good manners, and thanked her, but I can't be sure how many times.  When she asked me if I had any questions for her, I was like a deer in headlights. Did this mean she's offering representation?  Was this when I was supposed to ask my carefully researched questions? You know, the ones somewhere in my computer?

Of course, I cut right to the chase, because I'm slightly confused and still not sure what is appropriate. "Does this mean you're offering representation to me?" leaps from my lips.  Is it obvious?  Am I dumb for asking?

She laughs - not a laugh at me laugh, but a musical "gosh, that was kind of funny" sound, and says something like "Yes, that's why I'm calling, but you kind of stole my thunder. I was going to ask you."

I apologize for my gaff, and she verbally waves me off, because it was going to come out anyway and it wasn't a big deal for her.  I explained I had questions, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask them if she wasn't offering...blah blah blah.  I've blocked out a lot of my mini-blunder, I think.  But she was gracious and even offered to let me go print up my questions so we could talk them over.

Of course, I had tried to search for the question sheet and only after three tries (while still trying to speak coherently and not give a way that I was unprepared) did I finally find them!  Some of the questions we had already covered, but she thoroughly answered all the others I had and followed it up with a sample contract being emailed to me.

YAY!!

I'm not sure which thrills me more - the offer of someone so skilled and knowledgeable within the industry actually calling me to offer representation, or that she read my work and really seems to get it.

She didn't try to force it into a category and label it a Romance (or tell me why it wasn't a Romance and how I could change it to make it so).  She loved my characters and was genuinely interested when asking me about what I'm working on now (and sounded happy when I explained about the four books I have planned so far and I'm already on book two). She felt the story was complex and well layered and... gosh, I wish I could have recorded her.  It all seems to have left my swiss-cheese Lyme's disease rattled brain right now.

My writing partner's squeals on the phone were as loud as my own - "Oh my god, I want to hear every detail of the entire one hour conversation!"  Which of course, made me only realize I couldn't recall all of it because I was in such shock throughout most of it.

I was able to talk to the agent about self-publishing and the options that have come my way so far - all of which only pleased her more.  She's aware that if the book doesn't sell in a time frame we discussed that I will still self-publish.  So - for all of you wondering - yes - that means I will not be releasing my book this May with my own publishing company.

We talked again later about some items on her contract, and of course Pete had some concerns I'm going to address, but overall it's a fair and reasonable agreement and I'm looking forward to signing it.

I haven't done it yet - I still need one last call with the agent and then I will.  I'll reveal her name after I do - so, stay tuned. I have a feeling this could be it for me. I'm so excited and over the moon about all of this, that just the idea of things coming together has made my head hurt and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Wow - I'm a sad sap, aren't I? ;-)

Exciting!!

The day and the week got much better from my last post.  Thank you to all the people who poured out understanding and compassion on Facebook after reading it (and you too, Kerri, on the blogger site!). As you know, I use this blog as a way to share some of myself with my friends and growing reader base, and while I may filter the worst of what goes through my mind, that doesn't always guarantee what you do see is pretty.

I'm a real person with ups and downs and I've had a year that deserved documenting (and of course, it helped my sanity immensely).

On to the good news!

Today I find out if V V will make it in the next round of the HUGE Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest.  Let me clarify that I do not in the slightest way think V V will win. I entered the contest purely with the hopes that my novel would get noticed by someone that could make a difference - be that an agent, a publisher, Amazon's own new publishing company called Encore, or (most importantly) by readers if they read my excerpt.

The fiction books that have won in the past two years were not fantasies, were not erotic, and sure as hell did not have vampires in them.  So I am a realist, not to worry.  But I also have hope it will advance past the first round or two. From my understanding, 1,000 next round choices will be picked today followed closely by the next round elimination as well.  I'm a little vague on the details, but I'll pass info on as I receive it.

Is it coincidental that I planned to have my book released right after the winners would be announced in a few months?  No it is not.  I hoped that if the book makes it to the round where Amazon readers get to read my first two chapters as an excerpt, that some of them would have an interest in buying the book. Yes, when I plan, I plan big.

My fellow writer over at Wicked commented recently that once I started to move forward with self-publishing that it would be Murphy's Law that publishers and agents would come out of the wood work.  While I can't say that has happened yet, I did get some more good news yesterday.

A friend of mine introduced me via email to a Hollywood producer to discuss the rights to V V for an option to buy. Now don't get excited - I sent my polite intro email and promised the man I wouldn't stalk him 'til he read my work, so now it's time to patiently wait.  There is a thread on my website forum (under the V V topic) and on the discussion tab on the Facebook Fan Page about who would play the role of such and such and it was fun to dream when we first started talking about it.

Do I honestly think it could happen?  Well, my answer to that is, not yet.  I don't think anyone in Hollywood would sit up and take interest before a book is released.  I think maybe after it comes out and sells well would be the time they'd pay attention.  But what I know about the film industry could fill a one page article in a community newsletter, so I'm certainly far from an expert!

In addition, I got another request for my full MS from an agent yesterday.  This is particularly exciting because the agent is classified as a boutique agency.  Meaning she has a limited number of clients that she works closely with - not a large agency where your career and your book get lost among all the others. I would prefer to go with an agency like this, but whether or not they offer representation to me is something I'll have to wait and see.

I've actually lost count with how many publishers have my full MS and how many agents have it. Yes, I kept all the emails, so I could check.  But what's the point?  Most of them are all extremely busy and if I harass them with emails on the status that will not change how they ultimately feel about my book - but it may annoy the heck out of them and make them think I'd be a pain in the ass to represent.

So here I sit.

The woman who clearly thinks she is the master of her own destiny... waiting.

Wondering if a bunch of strangers think they can sell my work.  The woman who reached the position of regional sales manager covering two states and D.C. at the age of 25.  The youngest person the nationwide company had in the position.  Wowing the big guys and selling my heart out.  The same person who often jokes with friends - "Give me time and I could sell ice to Eskimos."

I sit and wait to see if people, who can't sell like I can, tell me if my book is salable. People who have not bothered to reach out to READERS like I have.  People who go with industry labels to categorize your book--and are afraid to step outside the box in a time when changes are occurring almost daily to set the existing business models in publishing on their collective ears!

My writing partner is convinced I should eventually write a non-fiction book detailing my exact path to publication and advising others on how to succeed. She's encouraged me to teach a writing class at a local college. She has told me that in a short time I have exceeded her own knowledge and have now become the teacher and she the pupil. Do I pay her to say such nice things? No. She's just a really sweet person who thinks way more highly of me than I do of myself.

The knowledge and experience I've gained this year have been through hard work and research. There is no magic formula to success -- it's perseverance, belief in your work, and a drive to never give up. I'm hoping to do what a lot of other dreamers have done - and with your help I know I will get there. The real question is when.

Thanks again for listening and for being here for me.  Every comment and email I treasure.  Writing, by nature, is solitary and you all make me feel like I'm not alone while I move forward on the scariest of paths - publication.

Cheers,
C.J.

Yesterday Pete and I made a simple decision.  Both of us have been in sales and marketing now for a combination of 25 years. What can a small press do for me that I can't do on my own? Nothing that I can see so far.

The only press that can do more for me than I can would be a New York based one and so far I haven't had much luck attracting an agent to get one to read my work. For the next few months I'm going to continue forward with a plan to self-publish.  I'm also going to send my full MS to the editors that requested it last JULY - in the hopes they can get to it in a few months.  But, I'm not pinning my hopes and dreams on it anymore like I did with the Dorchester contest.

I've proven I have a reader base and interest in the story, so now I've got to put my money where my mouth is and take a risk.  Pretty much everything I could possibly make on the first 4,000 books sold will go into advertising and promotion - but spread out over six months or so we should be able to absorb the loss.

Yes, I do realize in a perfect world that money flows to the author and not away.  But I've had to spend money to make money in the past, so I'm not particularly worried about it in the big picture.

This week I need to get my butt off the computer and do some serious planning.  First mail Facebook edition books out, next mail books out to reviewers with an actual release date stated in the cover letter.  Paint the murphy bed Pete built over the winter break  - I'll post pictures to show you the before, during and after shots. Go to lunch with my buddy Wendy, who does public relations professionally, and pick her brain. And map out a detailed marketing plan. All with two doctor visits, a home nurse visit, daily antibiotic IV drips and what looks like more snow in the forecast (save me from more days off school - please!!).

Not to mention re-read and edit V V again.  Any of you out there that bought hard copies of the manuscript and have spotted errors - please email them to me.  I want to make this book shine to the best of my abilities, and since those are pretty meager in the proof-reading area, I would LOVE your help.

You guys have told me from the beginning I should publish it now, so here I am, listening.  I'm not going to be able to do it all on my own and will take any help you're willing to give.  I'd love to prove all those nay-sayers wrong.  I always root for the underdog in real life and usually have been one myself throughout the years.

So here's to hoping I can bring home a win for the little guy - the ones who have a dream and want to pursue it.  The ones afraid to take the biggest step in their lives because the odds seems so high against them. To quote my husband last night "What's the big deal?  The worst that can happen is you fail and don't sell many books.  You won't know if you don't try."

Raise your cyber glasses with me in a toast ~ Cheers! May this new venture prove successful and I make you all proud ~

C.J.

Yes, I'm doing a reflection in February.  "Why?" you may ask.  Because this week marks exactly one year since I typed "Chapter One" on Vampire Vacation.

What has that year held for me?  I'm not going to count the doctor visits, the procedures done to me, or the amount of drugs they've pumped through my system - it's too depressing and best left un-counted at the end of the year.

So I'll focus on the other stuff - the WRITING part of my year.

- I've polished, to the best of my abilities, a 90,000-word Erotic Urban Fantasy manuscript.

- I've started three blogs, and kept them all going

- Launched a business page on Facebook and attracted over 1400 readers

- Designed and launched my very own website (the entire month of October was focused on that one task, not fun)

- Opened two Second Life accounts, one for my pen name and one for the MC of my book (and yes, I'm still learning how to use it)

- Joined two writing guilds (Romance Writers of America and Sisters In Crime) and four sub-chapters of those guilds (Fantasy, Futuristic & Paranormal, Passionate Ink, Kiss of Death and Guppies)

- Left one sub-chapter over a stupid disagreement. Maybe I was stressed that day, I don't know, moving on...

- Had my opening chapters of Vampire Vacation read by over 3,000 people who were willing to share their opinions with me (and thankfully only about 3-5% telling me:"I don't like it")

- Entered seven writing contests -- four of which V V made finalist or runner up.

- Joined two online critiquing sites and posted V V there (Writing.com and Critique Circle)

- Formed one and joined two critique groups -- which later fell apart or I left, but I did learn a lot

- Finally convinced an incredibly talented writer, editor and journalist to be my main writing partner and I'll be forever grateful to her. She has taught me so much and yet still doesn't believe me when I tell her (yeah, like I woke up one day in my 38th year of life knowing all this writing crap?)

- Started two beta reading groups - one with writers and one with readers - both totaling 280+ members to focus on Vampire Vacation and give me detailed feedback.

- Posted my work at Author's Den, Authonomy, Scribd, Textnovel, Vamplit and I'm sure a few more I've forgotten

- Opened accounts at Goodreads (for better or for worse ;-) and Library Thing

- Attempted National Novel Writing Month in November and wrote 20k words of my sequel to V V titled The Hunt, before I had to drop out to finish polishing V V for the Dorchester contest.

- Printed at Lulu, and sold for the cost of printing, copies of my manuscript to some of the beta readers on FB. Still amazed they wanted to read it a second (or more) time(s)!

- Have sent out at least four dozen queries to agents and small presses - most all of which I've heard back on, and yes, they were all ultimately rejections, even the ones that asked to see my work.

- Attended two online workshops for writing

- Attended my first and last RWA National convention - why last?  Because one thing the rejections have taught me this year is my book is not a Romance and I need to accept that and move on.

- Sent my manuscript to at least two dozen blogging book reviewers, most of which I haven't heard from, but I'm not going to dwell on what that might mean ;-)

It's been a busy year to say the least!  I bet I've left some stuff out too, you know, the petty time consuming stuff that you have to get done BEFORE you can finish one of the tasks listed above.

I've met more people sitting on my ass in front of a computer this past year then the previous four years combined.  I've met people with compassion, sincerity, and honesty as well as cyber bullies, mean-spirited critiquers, judges in contests having a bad day, and a random few that are watching me hoping I fall on my face and fail.

To those last ones I say - what have you done this year?  Or wait - what did you do in that FIRST year from when you decided I want to write a book and typed those famous words "Chapter One?"

To the others - the ones that are watching who want to see me sell this book, well... I'm not going to say thank you again.  You all know how I feel about you because I'm pretty liberal with my gratitude.  But what are your dreams?  If you don't desire to write, is it something else?  What's stopping you from giving it a shot?

If the worst that can happen to you is you fail then go for it.  Your failures in life define who you are, and what you do after that failure determines where you will ultimately go in life. If someone points and laughs at you when you fall down then inside you should be thankful - they were mean, nasty son-of-a-bitches for doing so and at least you know now so you can cut them out of your life.

Life's too short to waste it on "what if's" and suffering through the pettiness of jackasses. Look forward and don't look back. You'll be a better person for it and one day you will succeed.  Don't ever doubt it.

C.J.

It's been a long week for me. I'm sure most of us feel that way by the time Friday rolls around, eh? Unfortunately, shortly after the doctor cut my new antibiotics the Lyme's symptoms came roaring back (which is what happens when it's not been a long enough time on antibiotics).

I'm in a bit of shock right now and decided to write about it to dull the feeling.

I'm thrilled V V made the cut and was not announced in the fourth place spot of the Dorchester contest.  It means my story still has a chance. Yay!

But after seeing what the readers posted about Confessions of a Shotgun Bride I'm afraid.  Some of the comments were harsh and a little over the top.  They mention the story did not have enough romance and had too much sex - yikes!  That sounds a lot like my story.

I stopped by to read the beginning of Gail Hart's story and thought her writing was good.  The story pulled me in and I continued on for a bit.  Does that mean I'd buy it?  Well.. my tastes run more toward the paranormal and less romancey-side lately... so maybe not.

Dorchester claimed this contest would have constructive feedback from the readers posted.  This elimination post didn't have much of that. The readers gave very in general comments but nothing really constructive to improve the piece - besides add more romance, take out some sex and make it not so predictable.

I'm scared to see if V V is cut on Friday and the harsh things they'll say about my book.  When a judge from a contest makes comments on my entry they usually do so privately and some even do it anonymously.  The contest coordinators usually weed out statements that come across incredibly harsh and ask the judge to re-word the statement to be more constructive before it's sent back to the writer (and kudos to them for doing so).

Such as when I judged one this summer I read directions like these: Don't use the word 'hate'.  Don't state that the heroine is too stupid to live.  Don't tell someone their writing sucks. You know - the basics.

But in that there are also subtleties.  Respect comes through in a statement - it's implied with the tone and sarcasm (or lack thereof) within the piece. Comparing a book to an ancient love manual in a creative slam by the judge is rude and insulting to the writer.

I thought Dorchester had more class than that.  Where were the editors on that one?

Will I get blasted out of the contest for voicing an opinion and showing some integrity?

Either they want my book or not - but anyone who works hard for months or even years to create a readable story and beats out over 300 other writers to get to the top deserves a little more respect.

If I want public humiliation I can strip naked and walk down the street.  But in an public elimination a professional publishing company should make sure "constructive feedback" is actually that.

C.J.

New Year's Eve - the last day of 2009.  Today marks the end of a year that has brought me many changes.  I'm glad to see this year go and yet at the same time my life has been irrevocably changed by it as well.

My health and medical issues had me on a roller coaster ride on a month to month basis and I'm happy to say I have more answers than I did one year ago. In January I was diagnosed with EE (Eosinophilic Eosphagitis) and then spent the next six months figuring out what was triggering the allergic reaction that causes my throat to spasm shut.

In June it was discovered I had Celiac's disease and that Gluten was the main allergen in my life along with high concentrations of sulfites (do I mention the pineapple I can no longer eat and the other various air allergens?  They're minor so, I'll spare you).

Right when I get the hang of balancing all the things I can't eat and learning how to live happily with what I can, I'm dealt another blow - Lyme's Disease.  Aggressive testing to determine if I had neurological damage led to the discovery I may have MS (Multiple Sclerosis).  Two months of heavy antibiotics and more testing I'd like to ignore have left the specialists divided - some say early MS some say they don't think so.

Time and more tests is the answer they preach - and I'm exhausted just thinking about it.  Now I'm in the waiting game to see if signs of Lyme's come back and I need an IV pict line next month with more antibiotics.  I'm on the side of "no" and things will be fine.  So that's my current belief and I'm sticking to it while trying to pay attention to my body and read the signs.

Ahh... but the year has had lots of good too...

I wrote a book.  Not about my journey with testing and stuff - that would be depressing and who'd want to read that crap?  I wrote a fiction book and I'm proud to say it's worthy of being read.

That is the journey my close friends encourage me to write about.  How did I write a book in under five months, while garnering a fan base?  I wish it was an easy answer, but it's not.  Since I'm not collecting a paycheck right now the only person who can see the hours I pour into this endeavor on a daily basis is my husband, Pete.

I work eight to ten hours a day on every conceivable aspect of getting my book published by a real publisher.  I've been approached by vanity presses, investigated self-publishing options and even had a few e-book publishers asking if I'd be interested.  If I can't get an agent or a publisher interested by next fall then I will seriously consider them - but not quite yet.

I started writing in February '09 with no formal training and nothing but a good idea and a fun premise.  I posted my work on facebook because I had not read any first person present tense books in my genre and wasn't sure if it would fly with readers.  The joy and inspiration I've found from those supporters is amazing.  They believed in my book even before I truly did.   Hands down - the smartest thing I've done all year.

Next smartest thing was joining writing guilds and getting formal critiques of my work.  I got a TON of faceless critiques from critiquing sites and then ones from fellow writers with actual names later (writing.com uses user ID's so I didn't know who anyone was).  Literally, hundreds of short and long critiques of my opening seven chapters.  One really good thing it did was thicken my skin.

Most every piece of writing advice I've read talks about not taking it personal when someone doesn't like what you've written - to distance yourself from the harsh words and to try to glean something from them to improve your piece.  But I don't always agree with that.   Everyone is a critique. And lots of people will hate your work.

One thing my art background has taught me that I find translates well to writing is one simple fact:  Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

Yes, I can edit passages and improve word flow - and learn how to use punctuation correctly.  To me those are small things.  But each person who looks at any piece has a different set of experiences that has brought them to this point in their life. Writing is a personal art - and art is subjective.

The biggest difference between a sculpture and a book is you can constantly tweak the manuscript based on your ever increasing knowledge in the medium. The only way to improve upon the sculpture is to re-do it entirely.  And trust me - that's what a lot of artists do.  They will cast the same piece over and over again, they will re-draw pages a dozen or more times, they will re-paint sections of a painting if they think they can do it seamlessly.

But what about art that cannot be re-done?  Like a mosaic or a marble carving?  You must then live with the mistakes.  I've created art that I could point out every fault to the observer when I was done with it.  Sure, once I spotted the errors for them they could see them too - but they would usually tell me to let it go - to stop and accept the beauty I had created.

Writing is not like that.  Not only does everyone like to tell you what you've done wrong and how you can improve it - they usually sound like they know what they hell they are talking about when they do so.

So to new writers out there I warn you - listen to advice, but don't lose your voice in the process.  And if you are not sure what your voice is - go back and re-read and re-work your writing till you do.  You need to know yourself before you ask another artist to judge your work.

I've digressed a bit, sorry.  I was thinking about my year and what the whole journey has been like.  It has been magical.  I've made mistakes and I've learned from them.  I've made leaps and bounds where most of my fellow writers told me not to do something or it was wrong.

I think in today's market a publisher is going to want a writer like me.  Someone who clearly has a strong marketing plan and is executing it before they even sign me.  A writer that has a fresh voice only because she hasn't been schooled into not listening to it yet.  A business woman who hit the proverbial glass ceiling in the banking industry at the age of 25.

If I can sell this book in under two years while writing the second and third books then maybe I will document the exact plan I used to get there.  My friends are pushing me to teach at a college and/or offer a writing course to other writers.

I don't think I'm nearly ready for that yet - I'm still in the grasshopper stage - but maybe next year at this time I'll be singing a different tune. What have I truly done that is different than other writers?

I have followed excellent writing and career advice as outlined in numerous books written by famous writers.  I've made up some stuff along the way and tried it out.  I've planned a detailed attack and that plan evolves as more battlefield knowledge trickles in.

In essence, I have become the Field Marshall my personality test claims me to be.  Will I succeed in the skirmish and emerge victorious or will I just be able to look back on this whole experience and say "I gave it my best"?

Either way - I'll count myself as a winner. Most writers never make it this far and 98% of would-be-novelists never even finish a book.

I'm looking forward to this New Year and all it holds.  May each of you work hard to achieve your dreams in life and may you revel in the success of that hard work before next year's end.  No one's dreams are handed to them - the dreamer must work to make them happen.

Wishing you a safe and happy evening with friends and family tonight,
C.J.

This past week has been pretty damn super. We've had family here for dinner, movies and gifts.  Enjoyed new games and old ones with the kids. Gone out alone to see a movie (Sherlock Holmes) and had dinner out with friends. Couldn't ask for more.

Next is hot-tubbing, building a new murphy bed and New Year's Eve at a close friend's house. I haven't really done much work, but I've done some.

I'm organizing the new writer's blog I plan to launch in January with mystery, horror, fantasy and sci-fi writers. So far it's looking good.  I think some of the writers are super busy right now and I haven't heard from everyone yet - kind of like herding cats, you know?

I printed up some advanced reader copies for the book reviewers that requested hard copies of my manuscript and thought I'd see if any of the FB followers would like to buy a copy prior to it being edited and produced by an actual publisher.  Who would've figured people would want to buy it with errors in it?

I hope they are happy with the manuscript.  At least more than the reviewers have been.  I think I've become slightly cocky, or perhaps my over-confidence is catching up to stark reality, I'm not sure which.  The two reviewers I've sent my book to have nice things to say and have pointed out only a few things they didn't like, which is fine, I know it's not going to please everyone.  But both of them gave it three out of five stars.  The equivalent of six out of ten.  Essentially saying 40% of the books they read are better than mine.

Yeah, yeah... I'm thinking about it too much.  But it really did surprise me.  I think the fans have been so supportive and glowing that I had hoped the book would get four stars. Perhaps this generate buzz ahead of time idea is not such a smart one. On the other hand - it's a great exercise in teaching me patience for dealing with the reviewers that hate it - and I mean HATE it.  They are going to be out there - in droves I'm sure.

It's not hard to put your self out there, it's not hard to receive critiques of your work, it's not hard when nameless faceless people hate it when they only spew their opinion to me - but it will get hard when they spew it publicly and I can't say a word in response without sinking to their level.

Learning something new every day.  That's me.

Happy New Year everyone - stay safe and don't drink and drive - drink and walk, it's safer. ;-)

C.J.

I've been pouring over book reviewer sites since last week. Contacting fans of the UF genre and asking if they'd be interested in reading an ARC of V V. Most have said yes, some have said no and I'm pretty thrilled to be getting more readers excited about the book.

One very talented young woman blogs about books and she has quite a witty voice. She reveals on her blog that she's a freshman in high school. Yikes! I wrote back and thanked her for her interest but said I could not in good conscience send her a copy of my MS to review.

Today I read an article about how popular some blogs have become that publishing houses have approached the authors to write books for them. I'm going about things a little backwards, but I thought that since I wrote a book already and was able to post seven chapters on Facebook to gain fans maybe I could do the same on a blog and gain a larger fan base.

So here it is:

http://vampirevacation.blogspot.com/

Stop by and tell your friends - I'd love to see if this will work.

It's not quite as clear cut as things are on Fb, so I'm not sure I will succeed in this new experiment, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try. I launched it today and now the wait begins. Will people check it out? How do they find it? I'll have to learn more over the next week or so and let you know.

I was planning on doing the chapters there un-edited - just like I did on Facebook. I have an 18 and over restriction on the Fb page and so far I haven't had any issues that I'm aware of with the younger Twilight set reading it. I set a mature content notification on it on Blogger and this is where the moral problem comes in.

The intelligent young freshman became a follower on the blog.

What do I do? Do I post the work as-is knowing she is reading it? Yes, I placed a warning on the page for mature content, but apparently that doesn't mean diddly on the blogger site.

Did I read sex as a freshman? Yes, I did probably as early as seventh grade. But it wasn't as explicit as what I've written and I'm really torn on how to proceed. My own daughter is nine and there is no way in HELL she would be allowed to read a book like mine in ninth grade.

How do you stop your kids from reading what they shouldn't? You stay involved and you monitor- there is no other way. I can't stop a child from buying my book in the store but it is up to their parents to monitor what they buy and bring home.

Should I monitor what I post because of the age of this one fan? Really this is not about her, she just opened my eyes to the fact that since she can get to my blog that means other underage kids can too. I guess I have my answer. I won't be able to post the stuff there unless I can get an eighteen and over lock on it. And that probably means I won't be able to get the following like I did on Fb - let's face it, sex sells.

Damn. Sometimes having morals sucks.

C.J.

I don't know if I can call this letter a true rejection letter, you'll understand when you read it. Bottom line is I still have no one that wants to buy it yet, but the COO of this publisher reached out to me specifically when she saw my work online on authonomy.com and I'm thrilled with her letter to me.

A very enterprising writer put a Twitter list together of all the semi-finalists in the textnovel Dorchester Next best Cellar Contest. I only discovered this tidbit when I went on to try out the new list function and found out I was on three lists. Pretty cool, made me feel like a "somebody" in the writing biz for the first time.

Voting opens again on November 16th for the finalists and I'm not sure if it will run all the way till the contest announces the winners on Jan 31, 2010 or if it will stop at some earlier time. Here's my plan - I think I'm going to go back into the game Second Life which I haven't had much time for lately with editing, various doctor visits, and frankly juggling the issues from my first life.

If I can re-connect with people on there and then politely ask for votes when/if I make it into the top ten I may have a shot. The people on there are super nice and incredibly supportive. The life stories I've heard and the reasons for being in the game for as many hours a day as they are is varied and interesting. I can see why the game is referred to as a hobby by the participants rather than that they are "playing" a game.

Think of it as a virtual social networking site and you'll understand more clearly what it is. It's like a big chat room and you can wear any costume you want, slip on a new persona with a new name and have at it. The "rooms" you visit are a colorful menagerie of settings, breathtaking graphics and out of this world locations.

Don't get me wrong - the game has freaks and sex rooms and scary people "playing" a little too intently. For newcomers, I suggest a guide. People have written books about navigating it as well - and sold them - I kid you not. I'd offer to be a guide for you, but I'm still too green. Think I may go buy that book.

NaNo!!

Wow. I can't believe I'm still in it. I made yesterday my "day off" because I had too many doctor visits going on to keep my head on straight. On that front the Infectious Disease Specialist wants me on antibiotics for at least another month to kick the Lyme's and he put the ball back into the Neurologists court on my freaky spinal tap results. He said he doesn't order that test much and would ask a neurologist to interpret the results if he did... hmmm... okay.

Back to writing, sorry I digressed. I'm excited to be killing off a new member of the seethe today in my book. I should easily surpass the 10,000 word mark and since we changed our vacation plans to April (lots of reasons) I should be able to write a lot more next week than I had planned. And get to go to my first Write-In!!

A Write-In is when writers from the area participating in NaNo get together in a public spot and write for a few hours. I missed this week due to the doctor visits but look forward to next week. Even if I'm the only writer that shows. My main writing buddy has the H1N1 flu so I doubt she'll be there (here's to hoping she didn't give it to me at our last planning session).

Anyone else in NaNo near the Borders on Rt 7 in Sterling, Virginia is welcome to stop by on Tuesdays and Thursday from 9:30 to 2pm for the rest of the month (stopping on the 24th). People may or may not be there the whole time, but you probably owe words, so sit you butt down and write.

And with that parting comment, I'll go re-fill my coffee, get out of my jammies and start to write.

C.J.

Things are going better than I expected. I guess since I've been getting the one-two punch with doctor's appointments, odd test results, and insulting apologies from chapter presidents, I was prepared for much worse.

So I cheered up, and things got worse.

I haven't written in a while. I feel like so much has happened that I'm not quite sure where to start. Obviously I survived my Week of Hell being laid up with a spinal tap (lumbar puncture) leak - oh and now I have a new thing I would never wish on anyone.

Those of you that know me well, know that I went through some therapy a few years back when I was depressed. I'm not the type to be in therapy for years, so once I figured out what my issues were I got out and worked on them.

I don't look down on the people who go for years, seriously, it's your money not mine. But I do think that if you are really there for help you will work with the therapist to solve your issues rather than treat them like a buddy you go and chat with each week.

Therapy is how I was evaluated and then informed that I have Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder. If you look it up, don't judge me. There are varying degrees of this "condition" and I'm pretty mild. But, for those of you that know me well, it does answer quite a few questions.

That drive or "obsession" is what has made me who I am today. It helps to keep me pain free from migraines as well as being semi-difficult to live with. It enabled me and my husband to flip three houses while living in them, write a book in four months and have the beginnings of what may be a pretty good writing career ahead of me.

But, in times like this, with the specter of multiple sclerosis hanging over my head - it makes me obsess on the things in my life that I can control in order to ignore the things I can't. Like this newest contest I've entered on textnovel.com

I'm at the point where I'm on the cusp of being in the top 20. I have weeks to go, with my competitors gaining votes as well, before the contest ends. I'm actually considering individually emailing my friends and family - to harass them to vote. How sad is THAT? Next, I will call them. See? I have a plan.

I've done a lot for other people over the course of my life and I'm thinking that this vote isn't too much to ask. It's not like I'm running for president or anything serious - it's just a simple writing contest that could get me the notice I need to get a publishing contract.

A recent revelation has disappointed me as well. Out of 1200 "fans" on facebook, less than 10% have turned out to support me. I know because I've kept track. That's freakin' depressing. Why did they become a fan if they didn't truly give a crap? I have met some great people on there that I have become associated with, and I'm so glad I did the fan page. They're supporting me and they've only known me for a short time. It amazes me that they would do that without ever having met me.

That's more than I can say for my fellow writers in the writing guilds I'm apart of. No one even responded - out of several hundred - to my request for a vote. But then again, some of them have the attitude that "if I help you, you'll get published before me". They act as if there are only a certain number of us that have a chance of success in this business. There is always room for good writers willing to work hard and sell their work - the real issue is they lack the self confidence to see that.

I'll get off my soapbox now. Hey - it's nice to focus on something other than my upcoming MRI.

Maybe I'll organize the house again this weekend.

I've been up and down the past few days. A lot. The delay I had in getting my partial out to an agent I really wanted to impress really left me frantic.

http://www.romance-ffp.com/AuthorPage.cfm?pennameid=884

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I finally did what my main crit partner, has been yammering for me to do. Okay, yammering is a bit strong. She wants the whole MS in one big file *check*, and to have me go through it with a fine tooth comb for punctuation *started*.

Punctuation is my downfall. She kindly sent me an email on comma usage, but seriously? I have a hard time really grasping the nuances. And so now I doubt myself every time I want to put one of those pesky things in my writing.

I thought I was using them right, but apparently I am sadly mistaken. I am not using them right. Why is this part of it so hard for me? Is it the slight dyslexia issue I have with spelling? Thank heavens for the spell check feature and the auto red-underline one as well ( I scored so low on the testing scores in school one year they thought I mis-filled in the dots, until the next year when I scored LOWER) .

I never really grasped 8th grade English class with diagramming sentences, participles, and the like. perhaps that's why I focused on Art, Math and Science. What do you get when you have a woman whose ticket to school was her art portfolio and her high SAT scores and then after a semester she becomes a chemistry major? Let's flush those years of art and technical drawing right down the drain.

Oh, and should I mention I then went into the mortgage banking industry (and I can honestly say, I did not encourage a loan the person couldn't afford, those loan officers should be shot) for seven years and finally capitalized on my financial savvy to become a Realtor and have my own small property management business? Or that my husband and I flipped houses where we did almost all the work ourselves?

How many of my FB girlfriends out there can tile, lay flooring and do minor electrical work? I am in love with this type of work. It is incredibly satisfying to see something you've worked hours to create (or even minutes to fix) finally be a finished piece in your home - be it a painting, a mosaic fireplace surround, or a bathroom floor and shower stall. I encourage you all to give it a try - there is no way that guy with not enough sense to buy pants (or a wear a belt) to cover his ass crack can do a better job than you. Seriously, trust me on that.

What do I decide is my next venture? Do I continue with my dream/love of houses and get my contractors license so I can flip homes? Nope, I'm tied to the house for 18 months where I can be close to a bathroom at all times during a bunch of medical issues - and so, I start to write.

I feel completely out of sorts in the writing/publishing industry. It seems incredibly ass backward. People write for years and never finish a book. Others write half a dozen and never take that step to get them submitted. Fewer actually SELL their work (but not for enough money to quit their day job, so they continue to struggle to write AND work) and then the rarest of the rare - the ones that actually make enough on it for it to be a 'real' job.

I'm left feeling floundering. Why do people do this if they think there is only a snowball's chance in hell it will succeed? Why do others write for the love of writing but then cower in fear to have anyone read it? I seem to be unique yet again in this field. I let everyone read my work and I know not all of them will like it. Big deal. I don't like Love in the Time of Cholera and I wouldn't read a tear-jerking Oprah book unless I had to. Different strokes for different folks. Someone not liking my work is not a big deal to me.

Just like someone not liking my art work. It is a subject to the eye that is beholding it.

I want to make money at it and I'm willing to take chances to do things my peers are not. I'm having a hard time finding anyone willing to take the risks and chances I am. Most tell me it is career suicide. Others wish me luck and offer advice. Still more are quiet. I'm sure a lot of them think I'm going to fail (but they are all way too nice to say it).

And they might be right.

But I don't think so. And THAT is what counts. I think I'm going to make it and I think I can sell my book.

So what if I don't become a NYT Bestselling author. I couldn't give a flying F*** if I do as long as I make money at it. And I don't mean four figures or even five figures. Money is six figures and up or I might as well go back to real estate.

I don't think 1,000 fans are blowing sunshine up my ass. I don't think they are being nice and telling me they like it if they don't. The ones that don't like it are probably nice enough to keep that thought to themselves. My peers don't exactly diss the FB fan base, but they don't think it's so hot either. They act like all those people joined b/c I know them. Well, I'm proud to say I do know a lot of them now and would call them friends, but I did not know them before.

I'm inspired by the kind words they write and the belief they have in me that my book is worthy and it will sell. I'm encouraged by the support they give me and the reviews they promise they'll write for me - ALL OF IT.

Every time I get a peer that tells me I'm doing something wrong or it won't work I think back to all of the people on FB. They are the book buyers. They will be the ones who make or break me. Not my peers.

I'll stop my rant and go dry my eyes. I feel like I have to succeed now just to prove that it can be done. That no one is held at gunpoint by the big publishing houses for success. I deserve more than the sixty five cents per BOOK that they'd be willing to pay me. The Internet will be my distribution platform, not the book stores, and I will figure out a way to make it work.

Or I'll try my damnedest and fail. Big deal, I've survived failure before. You just get back up and try again.

As I lay here, with my computer propped up on pillows, I begin to contemplate where I went wrong. Has it been my lack of exercise? Has it been my hours and hours pouring over my laptop trying to crit, improve my book, solicit agents, and learn as much as I can about marketing myself?

In the big rush to sell my book have I once again ignored me? Or was it the concert on Saturday night to see Paul McCartney? I admit, I'm out of shape. I admit to party-ing my butt off rocking to old Beatles music, Wings and new McCartney tunes. Could that be the reason?

I do know that the excruciating pain has caused me to cancel a family trip to NJ to visit relatives and will drag myself to the doctor's today. Seriously, what can they do that I'm not already doing? Walk every hour; check. Stretch often; check. Lay on your back with pillows under your knees; check. Eat well, drink water and take over the counter pills for pain; check.

I've taken three prescription pain pills (left over from surgery in '06 and no, you don't want to know what for) in the last four days when the pain became unbearable, so I know I'm not 'abusing' them by a long shot. I'm 38 and I'm walking like some hunched back 80-year-old arthritic suffer.

Oh - on a funny note - my husband laughed at me and said I looked like an old woman. I got him back (have I mentioned I'm a bitch?). I waited until I was not burning in anger and gave him a fast smack-tap to his privates while he was still laughing at me hunched in pain. He stopped laughing real quick, got all serious and said "That wasn't funny, I got a little nauseous." I smiled. Seemed funny to me.

So that I don't get bummed out by what I haven't accomplished this week I'm going to focus on the positives:

- wrote a three part article for the FF&P member blog on how I have come so far in such a short span of time. I'm not sure if it was well received or not b/c my fellow writers are a quiet bunch. - have almost trained my barking dog to stop his incessant yard barking (with very little zapping going on).
- successfully posted an advertisement w/pictures for our pop-camper and just sold it (hurray! now we can get a bigger one with an actual bedroom door!!).
- critiqued 11 chapters of my writing buddy's novel - and I swear the pain killers didn't make me go easy on her, she can attest to that.

Okay, so it hasn't been a wasted week. My house is a mess, laundry is stacking up and I can barely stand. I need to get a highly polished version of my work out to an agent that requested it in paper via snail mail and I'm busting a gut to get it to her tomorrow.

Life is certainly hectic right now to say the least! Would I have it any other way? No, but I'd opt for no back pain right now that's for damn sure ; )

Spending mucho time on my synopsis the past five days has helped me to re-do my query letter as well. Can't post the synop on here b/c it would give away the ending and most of my reviewers on FB don't want that!

So here's the agent query I've been tweaking all day. Share your thoughts or suggestions, I'm always up for help.

Dear XXX,

I'm writing you seeking representation for my 90,000 word erotic urban fantasy Vampire Vacation, which four editors requested in full at the recent Romance Writers of America National convention.

What do you get when you combine a 580-year-old vampire, her human husband, and a resort for the undead? A sexually charged, sardonic relationship between a married couple and a never ending cast of unique characters.

Meet Vivian, the supernatural equivalent of Mr. Roarke on Fantasy Island, who projects illusions to create the perfect vacation spot for vampires in Alaska. Upon a check of the guest rooms, Vivian stumbles across a murdered body, one that is neither an employee nor a guest. She and her husband, Rafe, hide the corpse, convinced they can track down the killer without alerting their customers.

When orchestrating the sexual escapades of some guests and questioning others proves to be too much for her, Vivian listens to Rafe’s advice. For the first time in hundreds of years, she agrees to involve and trust an outsider for assistance. It’s a difficult step for Vivian, who knows in the end she may wind up having to kill to keep her secrets safe.

I’m contacting you because your agency represents XXXX, whose novel I enjoyed. I've researched you online and have stopped by your XXXX site, OR your blog, OR read your interview on XXXXXX and would be honored to have you represent me.

This spring, I won a flash fiction writing contest for a horror entry, received third place in an erotica contest, and recently placed second for my rough draft of chapter one of Vampire Vacation in the RWA Dixie First sponsored contest. I’m a member of RWA, Sisters In Crime and several sub-chapters of these associations. My work already has a fan base of 1,000 on Facebook. Please stop by and see what some of the reviewers from my private reading group have to say about my novel: http://www.facebook.com/c.j.ellissonfanpage

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my query,

C.J. Ellisson
XXX-XXX-XXXX
cj_ellisson@yahoo.com

Every have one of those frustrating moments when you wonder about something and then send off an email? Well, I did that this morning before breakfast. I sent an email out to the private reading group I've got for V V. Most of the 285 people I've never heard from, even once.

I figured I'd cut it down a bit, that perhaps they are not really into the book, and maybe it would be best if I just removed some of them. I got some great emails from people. Some reaching out for the first time and some making sure I wasn't going to cut them even though they haven't commented much.

It has been a nice distraction to the horror that has become my morning.

I took my kids to their last swim team practice today, after I sent the email out. The kids were having fun at the pool afterward, so I let them stay a bit. I look up, they are splashing in the shallow end, look again and they are playing a game walking around the pool deck. I should clarify here that the older kids are still having practice and the pool is not officially open yet.

I look up again (all of this is over a ten minute time frame) and see my 6 year old son leaning his head against a big column. He's either crying or playing hide n seek. I look around and don't spot my 8 year old daughter and her friend, so I'm guessing it's hide n seek. Which isn't too smart at the pool. This is a public place.

I tell my son it's time to go, grab our things and head to find his sister. He thinks she's hiding in the men's room.

WHAT?

So not cool, so unsafe. Good god, is she just not thinking?

I call her name. No answer. I go into the men's room and call her name loudly. I go to the ladies room and shout her name. I walk to the front of the entrance by the check in desk and start yelling her name. I race back to the pool and start practically screaming her name. Parents notice me and start to help.

By the way - my voice carries like it's no one's business. I can project in a room like a trained Broadway actor trying to reach the back of the hall. I know there is no way everyone in the damn parking lot hasn't heard me by now. The swimmers are all paused and people are looking at me.

They should be - I'm freakin loud. The babysitter of the other little girl comes walking quickly over and spots my daugther's friend. The friend reports my daughter is out front - where I already checked. Where there are work vans in front of the building and an entire parking lot of cars. I'm so freaked out by this point I have to hold back the tears and the screaming.

My daughter magically appears from the front of the main building onto the pool deck via the life guard station. She's unharmed, and my fear quickly turns to rage. There is no way in HELL that kid didn't hear me yelling. I order her to follow me and that we're going home. I tell her to shut her mouth and not to speak to me. I was so afraid I was going to go postal on her right in front of everyone at the pool.

We're walking home and she unwisely asks, "Are you going to spank me?" I reply no and tell her once again to not speak. I walk a bit and decide to ask her one question to let her stew.

"Did you hear me calling you?"

"Yes." Once she sees my eyes she hastens to change it. "I mean no, not at first." Uh huh, sure.

I quickly fire back, "I already know you heard me. I wanted to see if you'd lie." After all, the whole damn pool and parking lot heard me. Sound carries well on water.

We only live a few hundred yards from the pool, so, of course, she has to push the envelope once more. "Are you going to ground me?" I tell her once again to not speak to me and that when we get home she needs to go to her room. I'm so enraged, I know it is unsafe for me to try talking right now.

We get home, she goes to her room and I call Pete up from his office and start crying. He's shocked at what I tell him and saddened as well.

How can I get my daughter to understand the dangers of what she has done? Leaving a public place without telling me? Not responding to my desperate screams? Hiding in the men's room?

I'll add something here on a personal note. I was almost abducted when I was seven. I had the wherewithal to run when the man tried to grab me and pull me in the car. My daughter will be nine in the fall and I don't think she has that same sense.

I had her write down in a letter to me what she did wrong. She was close. But I'm disappointed to say she blamed her friends and said that she trusted them that she was okay to leave the building (let's not mention in the letter that I didn't even know she was in the main pool building).

This is the same kid who knows she has to tell me if she's heading to the bathroom when we're at the pool. So that I can always watch and make sure she comes back out in a timely fashion and she and her brother are okay (they go together). The same kid who dove to the bottom of the pool over and over again at the end of June until her ear drum was damaged and she ripped it. After, I might add, she was told not to do it by me.

I sat her down after I read her letter and did something I'm not sure was right. I had the birds and the bees talk with her. Stressed the whole love and when your an adult part as much as I could. I went on to explain what rape was and what happens to kids who are abducted. I needed to scare her.

I'm not sure how much has sunk in. Her punishment today is for her to be in her room all day thinking. I sent her cousin and her brother to friends' houses. I'm worn out and feel like I've gone through the ringer. My mom came by to drop off the cousin and even she didn't want a part of this. Just said "no honey, I've been there and it's not fun, " and left me to my own devices.

Now, hours later, my daughter is focusing on her awful punishment and I'm not sure if I've reached her. This parenting thing is so damn hard. We'll talk about this until she is blue in the face and the topic is not just a dead horse, but a decaying pile of bones by the time I'm done.

I truly fear what will happen to her one day. She is not like me. She is very happy go lucky and not the least bit self aware. Add to that a beautiful face, blue-green eyes and blond hair and she could be in some serious trouble when the teen years hit.

For me, being scared at age seven, knowing that the man that tried to take me was wrong made me a different child. 1977 in Falls Church, VA was as a safe place and time, yet I almost became a statistic. Will I be a good enough parent to prevent my daughter from becoming one too?

Okay, I'm crying again, so I'm gonna stop now. Good God, what if I can't get through to her?

I learned so much when I was away last week at Nationals that I almost feel overwhelmed on where to begin. And now is the time to plan. To figure out what I'm going to do, as far as the whole week, for work. Starting with a plan of attack is the best way. Time to make that list - you know the one. The "to do" list. It's way more work to get someone to even LOOK at my book than I thought it would be.

My kids are banging around upstairs with their cousin and two friends over for a play date. We've just come back from swim team and I finally got to have breakfast at 10:30. The day is overcast and storms are in the forecast. How much will I conceivable get to do with five kids in the house? We'll see.

Part of me wishes I still had Sunday to look forward to. I spent the day racing back to DC to help out two published authors learn how to use Facebook and set up pages. They were super nice ladies and very appreciative of the time I spent with them. I think in business, no matter what field you're in, that it is all about networking. Maybe someday, these authors will read my work and pass my name on to their agents - hey, stranger things have happened, I'm sure.

When I got back home at 1:30 I had two more people come over that I met at Nationals as well. They were staying in a hotel by my house and stopped by to learn how to use Facebook too. It is a very easy application to learn to use, but learning to use it while protecting yourself, your family and your business interests is the tricky part.

All four ladies were so incredibly nice about the help I gave them, that they suggested I teach a class on it next year at Nationals. Once I told them I had a short stint in being a corporate trainer they felt even more assured in their suggestion. Wouldn't that be a hoot? I don't have a book out yet, but I've done more than most published authors have so far in terms of self promoting and marketing, that I teach a class on it?

If it gets me noticed in the industry and an agent or editor picks up my work because of it, then yes. I would do it in a heart beat.

Time will tell. Now I'm off to plan my attack for the next week or so. Need to edit other writers work, finish editing my own last chapters, polish my whole book, read the books I got on submitting and then start to submit my stuff by the end of the month. Aggressive plan you say? Well, once I break it down into manageable blocks I hope not!

Cheers,
C.J.

I have been on a roll with writing, submitting chapters and critiquing others work this week. Hence, no blog entry. I'm finding that even though I've been able to juggle Facebook, Yahoo accounts, writing.com, and critiquingcircle.com that my writing group, Twitter and the blog keep falling to the wayside.

I've got to work out some type of schedule so I can get all of it done and still manage the house, kids, pets, cook meals AND keep my husband happy. Oh, and of course, write the book.

I start an online writing class next month. I'm looking forward to it and in finishing my first book. Pete and I went to dinner Monday night and rough outlined the whole second book - super exciting!! This writing class will be a great opportunity to flesh out that story and have it ready to write when the first is polished and put to bed.

My diet this week has been altered from no tomatoes to no wheat. Got a lot of rice flour products yesterday at the store, yippie. All I can say is rice bread is not too appealing, it is heavy and dense. Here's to hoping it tastes better than it looks. In all honesty though, I think I'd rather have no wheat than no tomatoes for the rest of my life. I really do love meat sauce (which I had on rice pasta last night, and it was good) and salsa (which I had with rice chips - surprising good).

Oh - and one big thing - Pete upload some new firmware to our 18 mos old Blu Ray player, that couldn't play True Blood because the DVD's had a newer blu ray format (WTF, can they make this shit any harder?) and it worked!! We watched the first two episodes to season one last night and it rocked!!

I can already see some things they've done different and it is a much more graphic interpretation than I anticipated, but it is damn good. I can see that my book would make a great movie series as well. Got to give kudos where it is due - Pete, my writing buddy, my Gossip Fest gals and the fans on the page have said it from the beginning. Now if we can only get Hollywood to see it too. Maybe it would be a consideration after 4 books, but I think after one it is a bit soon to dream that!

Wonder if my neighbor Tom really has 'Hollywood connections' like he claimed and if this would make it into someone's ear or is he blowing sunshine my way? I'm going for the sunshine option.

I'm grateful everyone thinks so highly of it, but I don't see it in the cards. Let's be serious for a moment - I am not done with the book yet. I have no expectations of granduer, unlike my husband. He keeps making these comments about what he'll do (which is play golf) WHEN my book sells millions, and I have to laugh. He really does think that this will be huge. I think it's great he is so positive and so supportive, but I'm much more realistic than he is.

There are a lot of good writers out there and lots of great books being turned into movies and such. I just want people to buy the book, beyond that, right now, nothing else seems real.

C.J.

I'm never the type to feel down on myself and denial has served me well in my lifetime. That being said, health wise, I had a very real scare last night.

I was diagnosed back in March with EE - I'll try to spell it out, but my spelling is crappy - Eosinophilic Esophagitis. It is basically white blood cells attacking my esophagus and causing it to close with scar tissue. It is triggered primarily by a food allergy, but can be aggravated and made worse by aero-allergens as well.

I'm mildly allergic to some tree pollens, some grasses, some mold, dust and my new kitten. Since the kitten has discovered the joys if the woods, we don't see him much and I survived my last cat for 18 years, so he's not going bye-bye just yet. With all of these vague air allergies, I ignored taking the daily pill and the nasal mist, because, let's face it, I have survived this long without even knowing they existed and I can stand a stuffy nose now and then. I really don't think my air allergies are the problem.

They would not be effecting my digestive tract (the allergists words, not mine), so I must be allergic to a food and I'm unaware of it. Hence all the testing and now the food elimination route.

Well, apparently, the doctor was right. I think. About the aeroallergens making my EE worse.

I never realized how much I ignored in my body until after three years of digestive issues, I one day said 'enough' and went to a doctor. Once the right questions were asked, I realized the difficulty I occasionally had while swallowing could be indicative of something else. I've been ignoring it for so long, assuming I was coming down with something or ate too fast and didn't chew my food enough, that I don't even know how long it's been going on.

The doctor's think it's been years based on the strictures I had in my throat. How can that be? How can I be so totally clueless to my own body? Because denial is easy. It's why I feel pain when I garden and why my back hurts when I'm too sedentary, I've gotten lazy and preoccupied and put my whole family first. Look where it has gotten me - to the drama of last night.

The day was gorgeous and I was in the backyard with my kids and laptop (working on chapter 17!! almost done!!) for over two and half hours. Around six, my husband comes out with a lite beer for me and we discuss what he's going to make on the grill and I'm going to make inside. Two or three swallows into the beer and my throat feels funny, kind of tight. I ignore it, cause that is what I do so well, and go in to make the side dishes.

While I'm cooking I feel it again and start to review everything I've eaten that day. Could it be something I had earlier? I mean, I have a beer almost everyday, so I was sure that couldn't be it.

Over dinner, my throat starts to tighten in waves and it dawns on me by the end of the meal that I'm having an allergic reaction to something. I make a few frantic observations like "Holy crap, I can feel my throat closing," before the first aid training kicks in and I get up from the table to take a Benadryl. I pour out the last half of my beer and switch to water.

It takes two hours, on that full stomach, to get the relief I need, but it's not tightening any worse and Pete and I have had time to discuss what it could be. Perhaps I inhaled enough aeroallergens yesterday in the yard to irritate my EE. I ate nothing out of the ordinary and have not had my elimination food for 2 1/2 weeks (tomato).

Today, I took my allergy pill and used the nasal spray. I'm going to listen and get off the denial train.

I really thought, and the doctor did too, that with chronic diarrhea for three years, the air pollens and such weren't really the culprit. I've always believed less medicine is better in the long run and I hate having to rely on anything. Well, I was scared last night. Almost, "take me to the hospital'' scared.

On one hand, it's a good thing we're not going away this weekend. Pete had too much work and school work to do and he was not his normal laid back self at all yesterday, so we canceled. But what would four days have done to me out in the open air in the woods?

SooOoo... Drama averted and lesson learned. I'll keep you posted on the 'spots' on my lungs and 'possible uterine fibroids' that showed up on my CT scan last week...

It's a joy, right? And now you know why I'm writing the book - to keep my mind off all this crap.

I have heard great things about Stephen King's book on how to write. I have several writing buddies who have read it and encourage me to as well. He talks about the overuse of adverbs and the discipline it takes to be a writer (among other things, I'm sure, I just have to read it first!). Spells it out as simply as it gets - you want to be a writer you must write everyday. Got to go get that book.

I have been lax lately - letting myself get pulled in multiple directions. From the 'high' of having so many people on the Page, to the 'low' of figuring out how to keep them all interested when I'm only half way done with the book. Followed closely by the high of so many joining the fan group and the low of waiting for people to read the latest chapter and tell me if they like it or hate it.

I had great news this weekend on Mother's Day. I got a response from VampLit, the publisher Narrelle Harris referred me to. They liked the first chapter and would like to read the work when it is done! Whew! Okay, no I have to finish it.

Of course, that will be much easier to focus on when I get the latest test - a CT scan - behind me. Wish me luck, send good karma, or whatever works for you - I'm nervous, but at the same time confident nothing will show up on the test. The chances are just so damn slim, but that doesn't lessen the worry any!!

I'll keep you posted - and I'll get back to writing!!

C.J.

I'm having a group of girl friends over tonight to mark up my first six chapters. I'm hoping they'll have some great suggestions for improvement and flow of the piece. It's like my own private little focus group in the exact demographic the book will be marketed to - and the best part is none of them read this genre.

I'm going to ply them with wine, good food, milano cookies and more wine - should be fun!

On another note, I submitted my guest blog piece for Frightening Journeys - I hope some people from the Page go and check it out when I post the link on Friday. Bethany didn't tear it apart, so apparently it wasn't all bad. I decided to write it on how I started writing this book - title is From Bookclub to Writer.

Got news today that I won third place in an Erotica contest - and to be honest, mine was the most vanilla of the bunch - so I'm shocked and honored it was chosen at all. And I do mean some seriously scary stuff, I have no desire to have that type of tone in my books. Didn't think I was a prude but a woman fisting another woman is not my thing. Okay - moving on from that topic!

Scheduled my CAT scan for next week, wish me luck! Started a new food elimination today - tomatoes. All I can say is thank GOD I'm not allergic to milk. I like my coffee with cream way too much. Bad news is, my throat was closing up on something I ate today. I'm almost hoping it is the strep throat going around the school and I'm wrong that it is something I ate! Think happy thoughts - oh and get back to writing that'll keep my mind off this stuff!

Nothing in the world works as good as avoidance ; )
C.J.

I'm still waking up and the coffee is not done brewing yet. My kids both woke up at 6:40 to use the bathroom at the same time and had animated conversation outside my door. So here I am, up on a Sunday way earlier then I'd care for.

Some of you know I'm involved in critiquing groups and sites to help me improve my writing and polish the book. One of my crit partners in a group had to drop out because one of her books was accepted by a publisher and she got busy with re-writes. Kudos to her!! And I will try my best to hold back my green eyed monster lurking within.

She has a website, that I plan on exploring more today, and has approached me to be a guest blogger for her Friday spot. I'm thrilled! And, to be honest, a little scared. My first thought was "what in the hell do I write?"

She told me the focus is on writing and it should be geared around that. Humph. I'm not educated in writing, I take my first class this coming June and I've learned more from the critiques I've given and received in the past two months then I have in my whole life.

The only thing I can truly tell, with any sense of accuracy is my own story. I remember reading a while back ''write what you know", which is why the couple in my book are in a long term committed relationship and they have great sex - that is what I know. The ups the downs and the hard parts too.

I decided I will tell my story, the one about how I became a writer. The journey from when I decided to write to how I got to this point in time. It is what I know and about the only thing I'm qualified to write that pertains to writing.

I was writing yesterday a long detailed description to Joy Shack, one of the new contacts I've made through the fan page on FB, and I think that is what gave me the idea. She and I were discussing art and our respective backgrounds in it and that is what made me think I could do the same kind of thing for the blog - kind of my last 4 months in a nutshell.

I'll keep you posted, I need to write it and submit it this week and it will be posted on a Friday (not sure if it will be this coming one or not). I feel honored to have been asked and I hope I can spin a tale worth reading!

C.J.

I had a great day yesterday and I'm really excited with the progress and plan I have to move forward. Today, well, we'll see. I'm seriously not liking the new kitten. He's 10 months old and NO comparison to my dearly departed Fozie.

I swear, that freakin cat wakes me up one more time when it is still dark out and I'm going to throw him out into the street. I'm not a 5:30 a.m. type of person and I don't think I can take it anymore. In order to avoid snapping his little neck, I think I'm going to start locking him in a room with his litter box and food at night.

All I can say is, it was quite fitting to rework the chapter I posted today where Vivian locks away the dark power within herself. I felt like that this morning, never in my life have I felt so close to ending the existence of a furry little ball of fluff.

I'd like to write more today - I feel like I'm on a roll and things are flowing really well. BUT, reality rears its ugly head. There is laundry that needs to be done, bills to pay, a house to clean and errands to run. And that is just the beginning; then there's dinner to make, phone calls to place, more doctor visits to schedule and various kids activities after school.

I'd like to run away, kick the cat on my way out, wave a magic wand and have all the work magically done. Since hell hasn't frozen over, I know I won't be that lucky. Off to start the laundry and avoid the cat. I'm a bitch without sleep and he's living on borrowed time today.

I think he needs a new home, finding out that I'm allergic to him has certainly given me a good reason! Would anyone like a cat?

I got through the dreaded chapter 13, and now I don't know what all my hype was about. Perhaps that was my first experience with "writer's block", I'm so freakin clueless on most of this writing stuff that it's a guess on my part.

Reading it over, it is not nearly as 'dark' as I had feared it would be. I think on my re-writes I'll have to flesh it out more and make it more creppy/disturbing/sad... something! But, I'm going to push forward, I know where the rest of the book is going and I can't allow my perfectionism to slow me down anymore.

I went to Stephanie Meyer's website yesterday, under the advice of one of the fans on the page, and read some really interesting things. It looks like, start to finish, it took her under six months to write the book and submit it to an agent and then a publisher for a signed book deal.

By that calender, mine would be in the same time frame if I signed by August 10th. Wow, that is really not that far away. I better get crackin!!

My plan was to finish writing and submit the queries, synopsis and first three chapters by June. But now, with the black coffee slowly starting to work (I think I've just had an epiphany!!) I'm seriously considering submitting the first query letters by mid- May, I'll be at chapter 22 by then and only a few away from the finish line. Considering how long it takes to have these agents get back to you - a minimum of three weeks - and then they request the first three chapters. THEN if they like it you get a request for the full MS and then the wait begins for a publisher to like it.

Think about it - by the time they get back to me I'll already have the book done and the polishing will be at the mid-way point. Is it slightly dishonest to say I've completed the work when I truly haven't? I don't think so - this business is about timing, and I need to strike while the iron is hot and I have a fan base the agents and publishers can see.

I'm excited by the upcoming contest I'm going to have on the page for book covers done by fans - I really hope it can keep the interest up and drive people to join. This is all exciting and over whelming at the same time.

Wow, talk about a productive morning and a great brainstorming session on my blog. I'm going to go map it all out and get crackin. Do I run the risk of an agent reading this and discovering my evil plan? I doubt it very much - are they really going to go back and read my old blog posts? Well, I could always delete this one as damning evidence and then I'd be safe ; )

Hard to believe I've already been up for an hour, choked down black coffee and managed to be on FB and off for the day. With this type of discipline I should be back on track with the writing goals.

I did not complete the chapter yesterday like I'd hoped. It is making me look within and examine myself a bit more closely then I'd like. What is it about this scene that makes me cringe away? Is it the delivery? Trying to figure out how to relate her pain or the act of writing out her pain that bothers me?

I know I don't want it to be a 'dream scape' type of thing or a flash back, but I need to bring her pain into the present and allow the reader to experience the crippling moment she feels. I have come to realize the hardest part is not the writing - it is trying to capture the moment well enough to convey it to others, and then actually letting other people read it.

Some of the critiquers in my groups and on the sites I'm a member of have not been so nice. Opening myself up to the public for scrutiny is a hard thing. Everyone tells you to divorce your self from it and take the comments as remarks on the piece and not yourself - but honestly that has always confused me.

If I'm writing as a job, with the goal in mind to sell the book, and I have someone rip the work apart (and trust me, people have told me they hate the main character, my style and my voice - and Damn, that's harsh) - how does one not take that personally? That would be akin to me coming to their place of work and ripping on the results of hours of their time and telling them their end product sucks.

My buddies have told me 'they are talking about the writing, they are not attacking you personally', but hey, if I created this work and I alone am responsible for it, then how is that not insulting me as well? What can I do? Turn around and point to the dog and say 'that bitch edited out the best parts, don't blame me'?

Okay, enough of the self doubt and pontification, it's not in my charater and I've got to let it go. There will be people that hate it and there will be people that don't, just gotta live with that.

Off to write the painful parts... ugh, I don't think I'm going to let myslef sleep tonight until I get past this. I wouldln't call it a block, but it is definitely a stumbling point!

C.J.

Ah, today I've made some good progress and feel like I'm moving things forward again. Did a rewrite of the new chapter six, added in more detail to chapter ten and read & critiqued my writing partner's first five chapters of her work in progress (WIP).

Detail in chapter ten was key, so I'm glad I did it, and I may still rework it some more. I think the scenes I wrote in eleven fed from it, so it needed to be fleshed out better. That and when I sat down to write more of chapter thirteen I was hesitant. Again.

This is a very powerful chapter and will have a lot of pain it, I've been pushing off writing it and wanting to skip ahead to get back to the fun parts.

I'm torn on doing just that. I have successfully delayed writing on it for one more day, and that really was not the idea behind spending the day focused on writing and not going on Facebook. I have become addicted to the interactions with people and love to be able to reach out from my terminal and 'talk' to everyone. Bad, bad, Bad for writing... but, good for the soul.

Ah... back to thirteen, Dria is going to be pulled back into a painful memory of her past and crippled with fear for a bit. The descriptions here will be key to bring the reader in to the pain she is feeling and I'm drained just thinking on it. My writing skills are getting better as I go, but this is the biggest challenge I've faced in writing so far.

Oh - and on another note, I did not win the contest entry for Flicker Of Madness. To be fair, I did win it last month and it was a quick write on my part. Titled: The Birth Of Jonathan and I rather liked it. Think I may post it this week for the Jonathan fans to read as well.

Okay, off to get the kids and then try to focus on the painful chapter 13 - is it ironic that it is numbered thirteen and some people call the number unlucky? No clue, but it is sucking the life out of me.

C.J.

Haven't written in a few days on the novel - it has been a whirlwind of activity in my life lately! The doctor's appt turned out okay. I have to eliminate a certain group of foods every three weeks and catalog the improvement. Oh - and go for a CAT scan, think I'll call to schedule that today.

First one I'm doing is milk - which is in a hell of a lot of things. I thought I could have my non-dairy creamer , but damn if it doesn't have some milk in it! WTF? And no rice or soy milk, so the depressing part is no coffee. Just tea. I thought I'd be okay with that, but now I'm wondering if my headaches the past few days could be linked to caffeine withdraw.

Today I'm drinking black coffee with sugar. It isn't great, but if it can get my head to stop pounding then so be it. I think the levels in tea must be much lower than I thought, well, time will tell. But God, does this suck.

On the writing front - I lost a couple of fans with the roll out of chapter four - but picked up a bunch more with the target ads to the UK and Australia. Yeah! Debating on how to keep the momentum going after the release of the sixth one next week. Private group? Redirect to WDC? Not sure.

Once this headache goes away I can get back to writing the chapter I'm on. Oh - and I did submit to a writing contest. Another 'flash' piece under 500 words, wrote it yesterday and was surprised at the response I got - wasn't even asking for reviews, so I was pleased. Hopefully that will do okay - time will tell.

Off to brush up chapter 5 and release it on the page - crossing my fingers it goes as well as chapter 6!

C.J.

Today is a mixed day for me. I'm really pleased with the feedback I've received on chapter three so far, I don't think I lost anyone on the fan page over it and people were positive in their comments.

I chose today to post chapter four on the site to keep my mind off the real issue I have to face today. A doctor's appointment with my GI to discuss the allergists findings and what the next steps are to take. My big fear is what the allergist shared with me - that her advice is to do the elimination diet and test with an endoscopy to get a sample of my esophogial lining every three months and test it for the eosinophlic cells. Why did she have to tell me that!?!

I'm hoping the GI doc has another solution, because that diet is for two years and it is freakin hard. You eliminate soy, milk, shellfish, tree nuts, peanuts, egg - oh and here is the killer - wheat for two years!! Introducing a new food every three months, and then test again for the white blood cells (the eosinophiles).

I'd be able to eat fruit, veggies and meat in the beginning and that is it. Okay - best to stop dwelling on this. It is what it is. Perhaps the doctor will recommend another test and I won't have to do the diet.

Ah...and now you see why I started writing a book. This stuff has been going on for over a year now and the best thing I could think was to get my mind off of it. It will be what it is and I will get past it.

Here's to hoping the chapter gets received well! *fingers crossed*
C.J.

Today is a rainy day - and after last week's days and days of rain you'd think I'd be used to it by now. Weekend was great, lots of time in the yard, lots of planting, lots of alcohol and cooking out. What more can one ask for?

Back on track with my writing today. I got some great feedback from readers and I feel really inspired to knuckle under today, finish chapter 11 and then get a good bit done on 12. It is incredibly distracting to log myself into Facebook and chat with people, and I enjoy it immensely.

I am all too easily swayed from the act of writing. Did do some great networking over the weekend that way - even approached two artists in SL to do a book cover. Hopefully they'll decide to take on the challenge, we'll see.

Off to feed the hell hounds and then begin my day of writing...please...don't let the phone ring...

C.J.

I'm sitting in my sunny peaceful backyard with my laptop on a tiny cafe table. The sound of joyous, and sometimes annoying, children's voices serenade me as I type. I've posted my third chapter to my Facebook fan page and I'm nervous as hell.

My own father told me he blushed after the first two chapters. All I could think of was "well, better not send him three and four." His next bit of advice was to change the entire thing to past tense and then he gave me some other author's names he admired and sited their work.

Ces la vie, I didn't expect them to get it, and frankly, I almost didn't tell them what I was writing. I'm not ashamed of my work, but I do not feel comfortable having my parents read all the sexy saucy bits and then looking them in the eye. Of course, they have had sex, I'm here aren't I?

It is hard to explain the uncomfortableness one feels when exposing their work for review. Add to that the sex scenes and it's your parents reading it and well, damn, don't think about sleeping again because the awkwardness will haunt you when your eyes close.

I've been doing lots of research on independent publishing, how much a best selling author can make when they go with a big publishing house, the ins and outs of self publishing and epublishing. Good god, it's enough to make your head hurt.

What will I do? Which route will I choose? Not sure yet. But I do know I didn't spend years being a successful sales person sitting on my butt waiting for the answers to come to me. More research and lots more contemplation will be needed for this one - but not today.

Today is gorgeous and sunny and I'm going to rest and relax. Oh - and pray that my third chapter gets a good review from readers.

C.J.

Bright and early and I'm almost awake, that damn school bus shold really come later. Starting a blog is a big step for me. While I have no issues writing super long emails to my friends (who occasionally complain and tell me to write a friggin book) and certainly, I have no qualms about writing a story, a blog is harder. What is the topic? Who am I writing to?

What do I have to share that is so important? What can people really want to read? Is it more of a personal spot to share my daily life and all of the un-glorious trials and tribulations that entails? Who in the hell wants to read that?

Well, here we go. I'm a bold and brassy out there kind of woman, sharing personal things is hard (I know my friends will laugh at that one, but come on, you know me - that is why I open up to you!).

First and foremost, like most of the world, I fear failure. Will I pour my heart and soul into writing a steamy monogamous adventure series only to find thre is no audience for it and an agent won't touch me? Here's to trying, because if I didn't I'd always wonder 'what if?'

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog, I'm humbled by your interest and support.

C.J.
P.S. any tips you experienced bloggers out there want to share and I'd be grateful, what do people really want to read?