Normally, I'm a pretty level-headed chick.  I hold no delusions of self-grandeur and I'm grateful for every person that likes my book. I woke up at 6 something on the vague edges of a dream where I received two contract offers in my email. Funny on so many levels.

First, even in my dream the money wasn't a huge amount.  Yes, it was much more than a sharp stick in the eye, and everyone has different idea of what an author makes these days, but let's just say both were in the low five-figure range. Apparently, I even dream in the relatively-realistic range.

Second, my agent would call me.  I doubt very highly she'd email me with news of an offer.  We save email for the rejects ;-)

Third, a contract would not be in an email. I read recently that some big publishers are going back to paper because an agent had hacked their encryption capabilities and changed a legal document. Yikes, and wrong on so many levels I don't even want to begin to touch that with a ten foot pole.

So there it is.  My start to the day. Make of it what you will.

I'm having a great week health wise.  The Herx reaction seems to be dying down and I'm almost symptom free again. I've been exercising and that combined with the meds this seems to be making a HUGE difference in how I feel day to day.

The doctor gave me some good news when we chatted on Monday.  After I relayed my symptoms to him and told him about my fever last week he agreed it was the Herxheimer reaction, which is a very, very good sign in this battle against Lyme. He also told me not to do the supplements b/c he didn't know enough about them and it was crucial I not do anything that could impede the antibiotics from working right now.  He also told me the occasional glass of wine (which I don't drink) or chocolate bar would probably be fine too.

YAY!!

He dismissed the caffeine comment so I'm drinking my 3 cups of 1/2 caf a day again. He agreed that perhaps the recommendations suggested in the book were for patients who were generally in very poor health (due to the disease) and that perhaps their doctors put them on this regimen because they needed to improve their overall health significantly just to fight the bacteria.  I'm just thrilled I'll be able to enjoy some of the Hershey's chocolate, have a gluten free beer, and coffee while on vacation. Heck - maybe I'll have all three in one day!

It truly is amazing how being sick can make you look at every aspect of your life completely different. Yes, yes, I'm not dying, we know that.  Although, the more I learn of Lyme's the more it sounds like some of the really bad cases wish they were dead.

I'm taking all the advice (thank you!) -- I'm leaving my computer behind on this vacation.  I'm packing at least three books by my favorite authors I've been dying to read.  I'm going to exercise every damn day and sleep well every night. I'm going to enjoy my kids and de-stress. And yes, I'll take pictures.

In so many ways this has been the hardest year of my entire life.  I've pushed myself into an entirely new career as a way to escape what I couldn't change. Thanks to the help of my supporters, I've accomplished more than most new writers do in five years or more. You've all helped me see this dream is real and can really come true. Thank you, again.

Kind of fitting, that the first break I'm allowing myself to have in over a year is a trip to Disney... Where dreams can come true. Isn't that their slogan? Something like that.

I'll miss you guys, but I'll be back and I'll occasionally check email.  So try me there if it's important. Oh - and please stop back by on the Friday for the first installment of Sex Toys on the Sixteenth. I'll be leaving that morning, but will stop by with my trusty email-phone to see what everyone has to say (on here and on Facebook ;-).

Cheers~
C.J.

I meant to write on Monday afternoon and let you all know how the meeting with my agent went. Unfortunately, I got caught up in all the work she asked for, and pushed to get as much done as I could.

I'll go over the highlights briefly: We discussed some of her other clients, her background, my second book, thoughts on the third and fourth in the series as well as a continuation of a new story arc in book five if the series sells. I told her about my ideas for a YA series and a children's book series as well.

I outlined all I've done so far to market myself and all I still plan to do. We discussed the industry, foreign markets and the Hollywood option. It was a three and half hour meeting and I left feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from me. Finally, someone who could focus on selling my book to big NY houses for me and I could focus back on writing.

I hadn't realized how all-consuming it had become for me to sell my book. I think it's because of the talk Pete and I had months ago about "you can write the second book anytime, but why bother if you can't sell the first one?" that really stuck with me.

Having someone on my side and not having to split myself with the attention that self-publishing would require feels incredible. Do I think things are magically going to happen overnight? No, I don't. I'm an optimist who is well balanced with realism.

So far three large publishers have requested my full MS within the first day of queries.  I don't know how you'd feel if that happened to you, but it felt pretty incredible to me.  Maybe they will all reject it, maybe it won't fit their current needs at this time... who knows? Time will tell and so far Kristin has four more queries out as well that she may hear back on as soon as next week.

I think the best part about my meeting with Kristin was her sharing her thoughts with me about where the book "fits" in the market. She feels strongly that the book is mainstream, not genre fiction (like Romance, fantasy, or mystery), and is seeking publishers open to what she called a "complex and well-layered story" that mirrors what the public is currently clamoring for.

I've been busy this week with getting the rest of what she asked for from me: First to make all the small edits she caught in my full MS (done); write out my marketing plan in detail (done)-- b/c even if a publisher doesn't want to see it, apparently having one in place and them being aware part of it is already in play is key; list of all authors I've read in the genre that are similar to my book, their publishers and editors if I can find them (important to narrow focus within the industry); outline the second book (still working on getting it from paper to computer); get the first four polished chapters of book two to her (sending today); and a short synop of book three and four by next week.

It's been a busy, busy week to say the least! Kristin seems like a real go-getter and I'm so stoked she took a chance and read my story. She told me the amount of vampire books sent to her over the past two years has been staggering - and none of them were worthy of finishing until mine. That's bound to make you feel good as a writer on so many levels.  I'm lucky my head made it through the door after that!

Well, I'd better crack the whip on myself and get back to work. I have edits for people I want to get out, contest entries to judge, an outline to get in my computer, and some chapters to read again before I send them to my agent.

Feels so cool to be able to say that. My agent. Wow.

Who would have thunk it last year? Not me. Not by a long shot.

C.J.

What do you do when an agent who requested your full manuscript calls you a few days before you thought she'd even be finished reading it?  Does your mind go blank for a moment as you stare at the name on the caller I.D. and you seriously wonder if you should pick it up or call her back?  Do all of the carefully crafted questions you have for an agent (in a word doc) leave your head and you flounder for the span of a heartbeat?

Well, that's what I did.  I let the phone ring in my hand as I pondered what to do for two seconds.  I had just joked on my Facebook page, with another writer friend of mine, that we should print our questions up and have them ready in case we get "the call" soon.

Of course, flying blind, I answered the call.  And proceeded to babble for a bit like a fool.  My sales experience kicked in and I immediately asked about her pets I heard in the background. The enthusiasm I had in talking to a live agent, who obviously liked my work or wouldn't be calling, spilled over into a lively conversation about her pets, the pets in her neighborhood, her funny/crazy trip with family and my own humorous experiences with somewhat crazy family members.

It was delightful.  I couldn't have asked for it to start better.  I could have shut up more and not stumbled on my words, but hey, the adrenaline coursing through me made me pace and babble while I was on the phone.  I walked the border of the rug in my library over and over again, like a nervous sheepdog.

I discovered the personality behind the voice on the phone and we made a real connection as people, not as writer and agent.   I had enough sense at some point to stop adding to the side topics and let her direct us back on track.  I wanted her to do it so I didn't come off wrong (read here: pushy). She said some fantastic things about my book and showed me that she had really read it by revealing her insights and questions.

Somehow, I remembered my good manners, and thanked her, but I can't be sure how many times.  When she asked me if I had any questions for her, I was like a deer in headlights. Did this mean she's offering representation?  Was this when I was supposed to ask my carefully researched questions? You know, the ones somewhere in my computer?

Of course, I cut right to the chase, because I'm slightly confused and still not sure what is appropriate. "Does this mean you're offering representation to me?" leaps from my lips.  Is it obvious?  Am I dumb for asking?

She laughs - not a laugh at me laugh, but a musical "gosh, that was kind of funny" sound, and says something like "Yes, that's why I'm calling, but you kind of stole my thunder. I was going to ask you."

I apologize for my gaff, and she verbally waves me off, because it was going to come out anyway and it wasn't a big deal for her.  I explained I had questions, but wasn't sure if it was appropriate to ask them if she wasn't offering...blah blah blah.  I've blocked out a lot of my mini-blunder, I think.  But she was gracious and even offered to let me go print up my questions so we could talk them over.

Of course, I had tried to search for the question sheet and only after three tries (while still trying to speak coherently and not give a way that I was unprepared) did I finally find them!  Some of the questions we had already covered, but she thoroughly answered all the others I had and followed it up with a sample contract being emailed to me.

YAY!!

I'm not sure which thrills me more - the offer of someone so skilled and knowledgeable within the industry actually calling me to offer representation, or that she read my work and really seems to get it.

She didn't try to force it into a category and label it a Romance (or tell me why it wasn't a Romance and how I could change it to make it so).  She loved my characters and was genuinely interested when asking me about what I'm working on now (and sounded happy when I explained about the four books I have planned so far and I'm already on book two). She felt the story was complex and well layered and... gosh, I wish I could have recorded her.  It all seems to have left my swiss-cheese Lyme's disease rattled brain right now.

My writing partner's squeals on the phone were as loud as my own - "Oh my god, I want to hear every detail of the entire one hour conversation!"  Which of course, made me only realize I couldn't recall all of it because I was in such shock throughout most of it.

I was able to talk to the agent about self-publishing and the options that have come my way so far - all of which only pleased her more.  She's aware that if the book doesn't sell in a time frame we discussed that I will still self-publish.  So - for all of you wondering - yes - that means I will not be releasing my book this May with my own publishing company.

We talked again later about some items on her contract, and of course Pete had some concerns I'm going to address, but overall it's a fair and reasonable agreement and I'm looking forward to signing it.

I haven't done it yet - I still need one last call with the agent and then I will.  I'll reveal her name after I do - so, stay tuned. I have a feeling this could be it for me. I'm so excited and over the moon about all of this, that just the idea of things coming together has made my head hurt and I feel like I'm going to be sick.

Wow - I'm a sad sap, aren't I? ;-)

Exciting!!

The day and the week got much better from my last post.  Thank you to all the people who poured out understanding and compassion on Facebook after reading it (and you too, Kerri, on the blogger site!). As you know, I use this blog as a way to share some of myself with my friends and growing reader base, and while I may filter the worst of what goes through my mind, that doesn't always guarantee what you do see is pretty.

I'm a real person with ups and downs and I've had a year that deserved documenting (and of course, it helped my sanity immensely).

On to the good news!

Today I find out if V V will make it in the next round of the HUGE Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award contest.  Let me clarify that I do not in the slightest way think V V will win. I entered the contest purely with the hopes that my novel would get noticed by someone that could make a difference - be that an agent, a publisher, Amazon's own new publishing company called Encore, or (most importantly) by readers if they read my excerpt.

The fiction books that have won in the past two years were not fantasies, were not erotic, and sure as hell did not have vampires in them.  So I am a realist, not to worry.  But I also have hope it will advance past the first round or two. From my understanding, 1,000 next round choices will be picked today followed closely by the next round elimination as well.  I'm a little vague on the details, but I'll pass info on as I receive it.

Is it coincidental that I planned to have my book released right after the winners would be announced in a few months?  No it is not.  I hoped that if the book makes it to the round where Amazon readers get to read my first two chapters as an excerpt, that some of them would have an interest in buying the book. Yes, when I plan, I plan big.

My fellow writer over at Wicked commented recently that once I started to move forward with self-publishing that it would be Murphy's Law that publishers and agents would come out of the wood work.  While I can't say that has happened yet, I did get some more good news yesterday.

A friend of mine introduced me via email to a Hollywood producer to discuss the rights to V V for an option to buy. Now don't get excited - I sent my polite intro email and promised the man I wouldn't stalk him 'til he read my work, so now it's time to patiently wait.  There is a thread on my website forum (under the V V topic) and on the discussion tab on the Facebook Fan Page about who would play the role of such and such and it was fun to dream when we first started talking about it.

Do I honestly think it could happen?  Well, my answer to that is, not yet.  I don't think anyone in Hollywood would sit up and take interest before a book is released.  I think maybe after it comes out and sells well would be the time they'd pay attention.  But what I know about the film industry could fill a one page article in a community newsletter, so I'm certainly far from an expert!

In addition, I got another request for my full MS from an agent yesterday.  This is particularly exciting because the agent is classified as a boutique agency.  Meaning she has a limited number of clients that she works closely with - not a large agency where your career and your book get lost among all the others. I would prefer to go with an agency like this, but whether or not they offer representation to me is something I'll have to wait and see.

I've actually lost count with how many publishers have my full MS and how many agents have it. Yes, I kept all the emails, so I could check.  But what's the point?  Most of them are all extremely busy and if I harass them with emails on the status that will not change how they ultimately feel about my book - but it may annoy the heck out of them and make them think I'd be a pain in the ass to represent.

So here I sit.

The woman who clearly thinks she is the master of her own destiny... waiting.

Wondering if a bunch of strangers think they can sell my work.  The woman who reached the position of regional sales manager covering two states and D.C. at the age of 25.  The youngest person the nationwide company had in the position.  Wowing the big guys and selling my heart out.  The same person who often jokes with friends - "Give me time and I could sell ice to Eskimos."

I sit and wait to see if people, who can't sell like I can, tell me if my book is salable. People who have not bothered to reach out to READERS like I have.  People who go with industry labels to categorize your book--and are afraid to step outside the box in a time when changes are occurring almost daily to set the existing business models in publishing on their collective ears!

My writing partner is convinced I should eventually write a non-fiction book detailing my exact path to publication and advising others on how to succeed. She's encouraged me to teach a writing class at a local college. She has told me that in a short time I have exceeded her own knowledge and have now become the teacher and she the pupil. Do I pay her to say such nice things? No. She's just a really sweet person who thinks way more highly of me than I do of myself.

The knowledge and experience I've gained this year have been through hard work and research. There is no magic formula to success -- it's perseverance, belief in your work, and a drive to never give up. I'm hoping to do what a lot of other dreamers have done - and with your help I know I will get there. The real question is when.

Thanks again for listening and for being here for me.  Every comment and email I treasure.  Writing, by nature, is solitary and you all make me feel like I'm not alone while I move forward on the scariest of paths - publication.

Cheers,
C.J.

Yes, I'm doing a reflection in February.  "Why?" you may ask.  Because this week marks exactly one year since I typed "Chapter One" on Vampire Vacation.

What has that year held for me?  I'm not going to count the doctor visits, the procedures done to me, or the amount of drugs they've pumped through my system - it's too depressing and best left un-counted at the end of the year.

So I'll focus on the other stuff - the WRITING part of my year.

- I've polished, to the best of my abilities, a 90,000-word Erotic Urban Fantasy manuscript.

- I've started three blogs, and kept them all going

- Launched a business page on Facebook and attracted over 1400 readers

- Designed and launched my very own website (the entire month of October was focused on that one task, not fun)

- Opened two Second Life accounts, one for my pen name and one for the MC of my book (and yes, I'm still learning how to use it)

- Joined two writing guilds (Romance Writers of America and Sisters In Crime) and four sub-chapters of those guilds (Fantasy, Futuristic & Paranormal, Passionate Ink, Kiss of Death and Guppies)

- Left one sub-chapter over a stupid disagreement. Maybe I was stressed that day, I don't know, moving on...

- Had my opening chapters of Vampire Vacation read by over 3,000 people who were willing to share their opinions with me (and thankfully only about 3-5% telling me:"I don't like it")

- Entered seven writing contests -- four of which V V made finalist or runner up.

- Joined two online critiquing sites and posted V V there (Writing.com and Critique Circle)

- Formed one and joined two critique groups -- which later fell apart or I left, but I did learn a lot

- Finally convinced an incredibly talented writer, editor and journalist to be my main writing partner and I'll be forever grateful to her. She has taught me so much and yet still doesn't believe me when I tell her (yeah, like I woke up one day in my 38th year of life knowing all this writing crap?)

- Started two beta reading groups - one with writers and one with readers - both totaling 280+ members to focus on Vampire Vacation and give me detailed feedback.

- Posted my work at Author's Den, Authonomy, Scribd, Textnovel, Vamplit and I'm sure a few more I've forgotten

- Opened accounts at Goodreads (for better or for worse ;-) and Library Thing

- Attempted National Novel Writing Month in November and wrote 20k words of my sequel to V V titled The Hunt, before I had to drop out to finish polishing V V for the Dorchester contest.

- Printed at Lulu, and sold for the cost of printing, copies of my manuscript to some of the beta readers on FB. Still amazed they wanted to read it a second (or more) time(s)!

- Have sent out at least four dozen queries to agents and small presses - most all of which I've heard back on, and yes, they were all ultimately rejections, even the ones that asked to see my work.

- Attended two online workshops for writing

- Attended my first and last RWA National convention - why last?  Because one thing the rejections have taught me this year is my book is not a Romance and I need to accept that and move on.

- Sent my manuscript to at least two dozen blogging book reviewers, most of which I haven't heard from, but I'm not going to dwell on what that might mean ;-)

It's been a busy year to say the least!  I bet I've left some stuff out too, you know, the petty time consuming stuff that you have to get done BEFORE you can finish one of the tasks listed above.

I've met more people sitting on my ass in front of a computer this past year then the previous four years combined.  I've met people with compassion, sincerity, and honesty as well as cyber bullies, mean-spirited critiquers, judges in contests having a bad day, and a random few that are watching me hoping I fall on my face and fail.

To those last ones I say - what have you done this year?  Or wait - what did you do in that FIRST year from when you decided I want to write a book and typed those famous words "Chapter One?"

To the others - the ones that are watching who want to see me sell this book, well... I'm not going to say thank you again.  You all know how I feel about you because I'm pretty liberal with my gratitude.  But what are your dreams?  If you don't desire to write, is it something else?  What's stopping you from giving it a shot?

If the worst that can happen to you is you fail then go for it.  Your failures in life define who you are, and what you do after that failure determines where you will ultimately go in life. If someone points and laughs at you when you fall down then inside you should be thankful - they were mean, nasty son-of-a-bitches for doing so and at least you know now so you can cut them out of your life.

Life's too short to waste it on "what if's" and suffering through the pettiness of jackasses. Look forward and don't look back. You'll be a better person for it and one day you will succeed.  Don't ever doubt it.

C.J.

Now don't get me wrong.  My husband is my hero too - just a different type.  My Dad, though?  His words of wisdom are what has prompted me to go public again with my blog.

I explained everything that has happened the week before the end of the contest to my folks at different times.  To my Mom, when I called her before the Dorchester results came out - to my Dad, after a playoff game - Dallas vs the Chargers (who handed the Cowboys their asses.)  It was good timing on my part.

The first thing he said is to forget about it all.  Don't hide and wonder why.  Accept the fact that I am now a public figure and all that entails.  That it was not important to be "right" when the timing of a bad review was posted publicly, but to embrace the fact that since I'm out there, and so is my book, that I can't ever respond even if I think something smells fishy.

He never questioned my ethics - he knows my ethics - but he did point out that others will not see things as clearly when they only see parts of the pieces and that I since I can't change it I need to rise above and forget it all.  He even brought up the bad publicity quote I already used.  Having anybody talk about me is exactly what I want - and then he told me why.

Back in the late 90's my father started his own company with a partner.  They had a great product and were branching out with a revolutionary concept that used existing technology in an untried way.  Sound familiar? ;-) Their first big client was Fox News. His company was still a very small fish, but the biggest in the pond started bad-mouthing them and saying their product was crap. It got them more clients.  People heard of them and word spread.

He opened up to me in a way he had never before.  I heard about all the ups and downs of his company and the path that eventually led to him no longer owning it and how it is now the most profitable section of a much larger company. I'll spare you the details, but it was a great story and I'm glad he shared it with me.

Lastly, he advised me to not wear my heart on my sleeve in my blog. I'm not sure I can do that because all of this is so very personal to me - I'm not just selling my book, I'm selling me. That's something I've done for years and something I've always done with total honesty. But I will try.

I never sold a mortgage to anyone that they couldn't afford, never rented a unit to someone who couldn't afford it (or had tenants that defaulted and trashed the place) and I never sold a house to someone and had them hate me afterwards.  I'm good at building relationships and to do that well I've always presented myself as me - to do otherwise would have been too much work.

But I will scale down how much of me I put out there.  My friends, who have been in  collective awe at how far I've come in such a short time, are encouraging me to write down all my steps - my successes and my failures as well.  They're convinced that it could help other aspiring writers trying to make it and that I could eventually sell my story.  I'm not so sure I agree, and after a few glasses of wine, I'm more convinced they are letting the wine talk and just saying nice things to me. Time will tell.

What I would like to do is thank that ill-timed reviewer on January 8th.  I've preached everywhere about accepting bad reviews graciously because that is what I've been doing every time someone shit cans my story for the past 9 months.  Her review came at a bad time and I had a knee jerk reaction to it - I took it as a personal attack because of the timing and have been lambasted over the Internet because of my reaction. It doesn't matter if I'm right or not - what matters is my eyes have been opened up.

The flurry of discussion topics and comments like "she's not the human being I thought she was" made me feel horrible - but that's life.  This is a business and I'm in it to win it.  So come read my blog, check out my every move, talk about me online and question my motives without knowing the whole story - go ahead.  All of it means nothing in the long run. Readers are all that matter in this race and I've got 'em - in droves.

I've written a book that some people will hate and a lot more people will love.  It will succeed in this business because of one thing and one thing only - ME. And in the end it may be my unorthodox methods that help the next aspiring writer make it, not taking a back seat as so many more experienced writers do.

You just never know, now do you?

I'm back, baby!
C.J.

Hey guys -

Pete and I talked about it last night and I decided to take my blog off of public access.  The reviewer I accused of poor timing with her review of V V on Goodreads has made it her mission this week to share emails I sent to her, conversations I had with my fellow contestant via email, any other post I ever posted about V V on Goodreads, solicitations for reviewers if they like vampire books to contact me, trash what my opinion of what her coincidentally timed reveiw looked like, and basically call in to question whether or not I have a grasp of ethical behavior.

Since I can't answer any of this hoopla without sounding defensive I've decided I will restrict my blog to feed to my friends here on Facebook.  You guys are really the ones I wrote it for anyway.  I had hoped I could share some of myself and my journey with you so that you might get to know me as a person and I would become real - rather than just a name on a book.

I've been under a huge amount of scrutiny this week - and while I know I can take it in the long run, the short game is incredibly difficult and highly personal. To know that people read what you have to share because they are excited for you and want to be a part of your journey is completely different then knowing people are watching you and happy to twist your words around to make you look bad.

Why is this woman and her blogging buddies doing this? I can't really answer that - in the big picture of books and book writing I'm basically a nobody.  To think my actions - ones I've done right and ones I've done that skirted a line should be held up by strangers whom are happy to think the worst and tell everyone they know honestly never occurred to me.

So while today I find out if I made first or gladly and proudly take home second I feel sad.  What should have been the most exciting time of my career so far has left me feeling flat and empty with the pettiness of others.

Thanks so much for being real people - for watching from the sidelines, for supporting me with votes and comments where you could, for advising me to back out and rise above the hoopla, for not jumping into the fray to have these sharks aimed at you and for helping me see that in the really big scheme of things a handful of angry bloggers will not make or break me - it's readers like you who will.

Here's to hoping today that I do well and win and if by chance I don't - here's to moving on and continuing on this path to getting V V published.  It may be a rocky and sometimes scary path, but I am so grateful I'm not traveling it alone.

Thank you,
C.J.

Famous quote by Donald Trump.  Considering he's had his share of good and bad publicity throughout his career I think I'll take that statement as a truism.

Yesterday was an amazingly nerve wracking day. Actually the whole week was hell.  I blogged almost every single day, I scheduled more doctor appointments for next week (let's not dwell on that though), pushed the new Wicked Writers blog every chance I could, and I spent countless hours on the phone with my writing partner calming her, encouraging her and just plain old listening to her.

She took the biggest leap in her writing career this week in THREE years and I'm incredibly proud of her.  If it wasn't for her I wouldn't be where I am and my book would not exist.  Did she have any idea last January what force of personality was driving behind my calm hazel green eyes?  I doubt it or she would have run screaming from the car.

The main character in my book is incredibly manipulative and highly intelligent.  While I would like to say I have those traits it would be fairer to report that I imagine I have those traits and sometimes things go exactly as I plan.  All along I've been trying to give my partner the kick in the pants she needed to get her work "out there".  To get her to take chances and to get her showing off her true potential.

I'm of the firm believer that the worst that can ever happen when trying something is you can fail and once you accept that and the fact that such a failure won't kill you, just bruise your pride a bit, that you can do anything in life.

I stand by every decision I've made so far - even the ones that back-fired on me and didn't go according to my plan.  I may not do everything right, I may make mistakes, but I'm out there trying and that's more than most people can say. I've literally had dozens of people write to me privately in the past eight months telling me how my story has inspired them to pursue their dreams.  I can't begin to tell you how unbelievable it is to receive something like that. It reinforces that I'm doing some things right and implies I've helped a few people too. Unreal!

Me - little 'ole fake pen-name, pretty picture I'm now 15 pounds heavier than, going through a hell of a year with medical tests and multiple life-changing diagnoses, wrote a book to distract myself - ME.

I can't say I've always had a dream to write.  I can't claim it has been my life-long ambition to have a book in print with my name on it (hell, it's not even my real name).  I've never taken a writing course beyond one in college (which had a kick-butt female ninja assassin in one short story that got a B, hey, we're talking '89 here).  But one friend made me believe.

My writing partner. She made me believe in myself and that my idea was a good one.  Never once did she say "First-person present-tense is the way we learned to write in high school, switch it to past tense."  But I can tell you a least two dozen writers and judges (and even a few agents) in contests have told me that or something close to it this past year.  She believed in my book and she made me believe in it too.

She has been plagued this whole week and questioning me on topics I've answered before and have forgotten my witty answers on. (I'm blaming the Lyme's, it's shitty for your memory and I'm still being treated.) What she needs is for me to listen and support her, so that's what I've done.

The people who've done that for me lately, besides my writing buddy, have been my facebook supporters.  What started as a way to see if my book had potential has snow balled into an incredible group of people pulling for me and traveling on this scary journey every step of the way with me. My eventual success will not be my own - it will be because of them. (oh - and on an aside here, I'm sorry for all my anxious song twitter and status updates yesterday, what started as a twenty minute wait went on hours longer than I thought.)

The best writing books from authors tell you never to discount your readers.  And I'd like to think I never have.  Their opinions matter to me - some of them helped choose the character names in the book, some helped devise the ending chapter with me, some helped my to flesh out my scene with the killer more, some entered a cover contest, some tried their hand at penning the tag line, a large group of them became my private readers reading the rough drafts of chapters mere days after I typed them - and in thanks to some of the most vocal supporters I even changed minor character names in the story to match their names.

This latest contest I'm in has been a grueling one - but it has taught me a lot.  Dorchester is incredibly smart to have done things they way they have - I can see that even if I think it's been hard to be a part of.  It's taught me to be more careful with what I write and type on the internet than ever before. It's taught me that the actions I take to re-pay supporters and friends can backfire on me when the people watching me want to bring me down.

I never thought that people on my FB fan page would be spying on me or be there if they didn't truly want to support me but this contest revealed that is not the case.  I'm kind of glad the wool has been taken off my eyes early on.  I won't make the same mistakes and I'll be on the look out for my words being used against me and posted in a public forum from here on out.

Most of my fellow entrants in the Dorchester contest have a huge advantage over me - experience.  They have been writing for years, have developed thick skins and have established relationships with other writers in a close knit support group.  I'm starting to get those last two things but the first one won't be a reality until my third book is done.

What do I have that my fellow entrants don't have?  Well, to list that here would be arrogant and inflammatory, especially since I don't know them well enough to have a laundry list - BUT - one thing I do have is a great big bunch of people ready to buy my book the moment it hits the shelves from a real publisher.

And seriously?  Why do people feel the need to question rules and split hairs so much?  What it comes down to is one simple fact:  Publishing is a business and publishers are in it to make money. A handful of manuscripts out doesn't hurt their sales - it helps them.  Building a buzz and thanking friends is positive energy. Saving screen shots and ordering a copy of my MS for "evidence" is funny as all hell.

Either Dorchester buys my book or they don't, it's as simple as that.  I sincerely hope they do, but if they don't another publisher will and life will go on. Whether I'm out of the contest or in it to win it doesn't change things. In the big picture it's water under the bridge and since I can't change what's been done the only thing I can do is move forward - which is what I intend to do.

To my friends who had my back on this debacle - THANK YOU!  To the ones who hide behind fake names and remain "unregistered," I wish you a better 2010 than I had in 2009 (and if you truly knew how crappy my year was you'd know that was a great wish) and I hope you enjoy my MS! You never know, you may be holding onto what could become a collector's item one day (hey, a girl can dream, right?).

And yes, bad publicity may still be good publicity, but it's been a hard 24 hours to say the least.

C.J.

This past week has been pretty damn super. We've had family here for dinner, movies and gifts.  Enjoyed new games and old ones with the kids. Gone out alone to see a movie (Sherlock Holmes) and had dinner out with friends. Couldn't ask for more.

Next is hot-tubbing, building a new murphy bed and New Year's Eve at a close friend's house. I haven't really done much work, but I've done some.

I'm organizing the new writer's blog I plan to launch in January with mystery, horror, fantasy and sci-fi writers. So far it's looking good.  I think some of the writers are super busy right now and I haven't heard from everyone yet - kind of like herding cats, you know?

I printed up some advanced reader copies for the book reviewers that requested hard copies of my manuscript and thought I'd see if any of the FB followers would like to buy a copy prior to it being edited and produced by an actual publisher.  Who would've figured people would want to buy it with errors in it?

I hope they are happy with the manuscript.  At least more than the reviewers have been.  I think I've become slightly cocky, or perhaps my over-confidence is catching up to stark reality, I'm not sure which.  The two reviewers I've sent my book to have nice things to say and have pointed out only a few things they didn't like, which is fine, I know it's not going to please everyone.  But both of them gave it three out of five stars.  The equivalent of six out of ten.  Essentially saying 40% of the books they read are better than mine.

Yeah, yeah... I'm thinking about it too much.  But it really did surprise me.  I think the fans have been so supportive and glowing that I had hoped the book would get four stars. Perhaps this generate buzz ahead of time idea is not such a smart one. On the other hand - it's a great exercise in teaching me patience for dealing with the reviewers that hate it - and I mean HATE it.  They are going to be out there - in droves I'm sure.

It's not hard to put your self out there, it's not hard to receive critiques of your work, it's not hard when nameless faceless people hate it when they only spew their opinion to me - but it will get hard when they spew it publicly and I can't say a word in response without sinking to their level.

Learning something new every day.  That's me.

Happy New Year everyone - stay safe and don't drink and drive - drink and walk, it's safer. ;-)

C.J.

There have been some new followers to my blog lately. Welcome and Thank you!

I've been pouring over book reviewer sites since last week. Contacting fans of the UF genre and asking if they'd be interested in reading an ARC of V V. Most have said yes, some have said no and I'm pretty thrilled to be getting more readers excited about the book.

One very talented young woman blogs about books and she has quite a witty voice. She reveals on her blog that she's a freshman in high school. Yikes! I wrote back and thanked her for her interest but said I could not in good conscience send her a copy of my MS to review.

Today I read an article about how popular some blogs have become that publishing houses have approached the authors to write books for them. I'm going about things a little backwards, but I thought that since I wrote a book already and was able to post seven chapters on Facebook to gain fans maybe I could do the same on a blog and gain a larger fan base.

So here it is:

http://vampirevacation.blogspot.com/

Stop by and tell your friends - I'd love to see if this will work.

It's not quite as clear cut as things are on Fb, so I'm not sure I will succeed in this new experiment, but I figured it couldn't hurt to try. I launched it today and now the wait begins. Will people check it out? How do they find it? I'll have to learn more over the next week or so and let you know.

I was planning on doing the chapters there un-edited - just like I did on Facebook. I have an 18 and over restriction on the Fb page and so far I haven't had any issues that I'm aware of with the younger Twilight set reading it. I set a mature content notification on it on Blogger and this is where the moral problem comes in.

The intelligent young freshman became a follower on the blog.

What do I do? Do I post the work as-is knowing she is reading it? Yes, I placed a warning on the page for mature content, but apparently that doesn't mean diddly on the blogger site.

Did I read sex as a freshman? Yes, I did probably as early as seventh grade. But it wasn't as explicit as what I've written and I'm really torn on how to proceed. My own daughter is nine and there is no way in HELL she would be allowed to read a book like mine in ninth grade.

How do you stop your kids from reading what they shouldn't? You stay involved and you monitor- there is no other way. I can't stop a child from buying my book in the store but it is up to their parents to monitor what they buy and bring home.

Should I monitor what I post because of the age of this one fan? Really this is not about her, she just opened my eyes to the fact that since she can get to my blog that means other underage kids can too. I guess I have my answer. I won't be able to post the stuff there unless I can get an eighteen and over lock on it. And that probably means I won't be able to get the following like I did on Fb - let's face it, sex sells.

Damn. Sometimes having morals sucks.

C.J.

I don't know if I can call this letter a true rejection letter, you'll understand when you read it. Bottom line is I still have no one that wants to buy it yet, but the COO of this publisher reached out to me specifically when she saw my work online on authonomy.com and I'm thrilled with her letter to me.

Lots and lots of thoughts whirling in the noggin today. I won't find out till Dec 4th for certain, but I'm pretty sure V V won fan favorite for the Dorchester contest. Exciting!!! But I'm not going to celebrate till I know for sure.