My back aches and my stomach is growling. Is it from too much sex? No, sorry to disappoint, it's from too much work! (but I bet I made you smile)

I've been pulling ten and twelve hour days trying to write, blog, comment on blogs, connect on FB, edit, plan, and organize a new site. It has been way more draining than I'd like, but exciting at the same time.

Will this venture fly? Will I be able to reach enough readers so that if I don't get a contract offer next month, I will be able to sell my book on my own? I've never wanted anything so bad in my life. I've never had such a burning desire to succeed at anything like this-- ever.

On the one hand, I guess that means I've found my true passion in life - writing and working to sell my work. On the other - it is incredibly time consuming, daunting, difficult and down right scary at times!

Tons of readers - like hundreds! - came out and supported me during the Dorchester contest. Most of my readers don't follow the industry and couldn't give two craps about who publishes a book, they want a good read, plain and simple. So it may come as a surprise to some of you that Dorchester is close to the edge of tumbling for good.

The writer who won the contest, and my friend Kerri, who got third place, have both pulled their rights back from the publisher when Dorchester announced the company was going to a strictly ebook publishing format. Despite the surge of elation I felt that they did not offer me a contract and I was not going through the heart-rendingly difficult time those authors and many, many more are going through -- I also felt relief.

Who would have thought that after months of hard work, pushing myself and my readers beyond anything I ever expected, that the company would be close to folding just eight short months later? Not me, that's for sure!

I know there are lots of religious people in the world that feel everything happens for a reason. I admit, until a few weeks ago, I never felt that way. I dodged a major bullet on losing that contest and it almost feels like someone or something is looking out for me.

Sure, I may be still be sick, I may have had a hard year, losing my nephew Eric this spring is still something we deal with week to week, and my book hasn't sold (nor does it look like it will anytime soon) -- but despite all that, I feel like I'm in a good place right now.

This new erotica venture is seriously fun. I get to write sex. I get to edit sex. I get to check out seriously hot erotic art. Oh - and I get to read sex for a book review I'll be doing on the site.

I'm not stopping on book two of The V V Inn series, nor am I stopping on my middle grade book or my non-fiction blog, but the past three weeks I've been focused on the erotica site.

And damn, it's fun. When sex is your work, how can you go wrong? You can bet your sweet patootie my husband isn't complaining either! ;-)

Wishing you all a great weekend and I hope some of you decide to check out the new venture on the first - it will be steaming hot, so consider yourself warned!

~C.J.

That question has been on my mind for months. More so since my Kindle arrived the end of last month. The most hits I get to my blog are when I do the monthly sex toy review. I knew that would happen and that's why I did it.

I know what makes my story stand out - my manuscript, not my life story ;-) The sex is hot, the couple is happily married, and *gasp* they're monogamous. I don't know why society acts like it's only the single or multi-partnered people that have fun when the lights go off. I've had more fun in my sex life with the man I'm married to than any other person on the planet (and believe me, I sure had fun in my younger, single days!).

True intimacy just can't be reached in a night or even in a few months, it takes YEARS.

Sex sells - but how do you get it to the electronic gadget using consumer?

 Unbeknownst to me, Adult Content apps don't get approved on Apple or any platform carried on Verizon, AT&T or Sprint. The Adult Content people who have tried certainly knew, but a regular schmoe like me had no idea. I mean, I'm not searching for porn on my ipod touch or my cell phone, so how the hell would I know?

I have stumbled on a loop hole. If you have a business license, business bank accounts and a plan you can too. I have a plan (and the other stuff too). One I'm not willing to spill the details here. You know, just in case it actually works and my co-partners in crime want to kill me for spilling the beans before we launch.

What I can tell you is this - remember the erotica story idea I mentioned months ago? Butt Boy and the Receptacles? I started writing it. I've written the first part of one of Johnny's adventures and am almost done with the second. I've teamed up with eleven talented erotica writers - all at various stages in their career - and we're writing our little hearts out this month to line some naughty stories up for readers next month.

The "dirty dozen", as I call us, are gearing up to get some highly-polished, super hot erotica posted online in a new venture. But this venture is different than an average blog, it's more like an ezine, open to subscribers only.

I'll post details about it on the day we launch, and I hope some of you will stop by to read what we're cooking up. I've never worn an editor hat before, and hadn't realized I could. I learned a lot more last year than I had thought and have been able to help some of the writers polish their pieces even more.

To think I may have actually hit on an idea where I can reach real readers... and not other writers like my other blogs do... wow, that's just huge.

Sex Sells. And I plan on packaging it in well written words. With the occasional erotic picture thrown in for fun.

I hope you stop by to visit on September first -- I'll have details posted on how you can get a free trial subscription for two weeks. Hot, sexy stories delivered right to you on your phone, your computer, or your ereader -- who could ask for anything more?

C.J.

We seem to forget in this fast-paced world of always looking for the next 'big thing' that what we really need most in our lives is to slow down and tune out. I'm not saying go unplugged for days at a time and venture to some remote location with no internet location - God forbid! ;-)

I'm saying you need to disconnect to re-connect with your lover. For a few hours you should turn off the TV (save the porn fix for your next quickie!), ipod, ipad, cellphone, crackberry, laptop, ereader and whatever else that is electronic and requires your attention. Make some effort to create a romantic spot-- light some candles, put some music on low and relax. And do it before you're too exhausted to care about seeing your partner naked!

The product I'm going to talk about today is a fun one. Not something you have to hide, not something you'll blush if it's found in your bathroom, not something you have to purchase and have shipped to you in a plain brown wrapper.

Bring some light-heartedness back into your love-play. Rediscover your fun side and the things you used to do when you were first exploring each other.

Despite what the packaging says, I've proven it's possible to lose at this game. Some of the suggestions were way too naughty for my conservative christian wife to handle. It wound up killing the mood and we went no further. This game has a lot of potential as long as both partners are open-minded and already have a good channel of communication established. I second what others say about the tabs being sticky and hard to read. Also, some of the suggestions require more room and just don't work in a bathtub.

This makes a great Valentines gift. It is lots of fun, romantic and good for great laughs and memories. Perfect for romantic vacations or just a date night.

Pretty cool to use in the hot tub (not the bubble liquid though). My wife also likes to leave the little "requests" on my pillow, so they are also fun, even when it's not "bath time".

Great fun to get things started. Only problem is the the little cards in each bubble are hard to pull apart and read because the print is small.

Nope, not for us. Listen, if you are normal middle class American who does have the time, and energy for having sex all the time-this is not for you. 1: It takes too long to play this lame game. 2: The game pieces are not exciting at all, unless you have never had foreplay before. 3: It's a little difficult to be together in a bathtub (and I have a large garden tub), with all these stupid "bubbles" getting in the way. LAME. Don't waste your money.

Highly recommend if you have that special someone that enjoys the lighter side of life. Fun, spontaneous, and sexy (nothing over the top). The hours flew by Much too quickly and I haven't laughed that hard in a long while (never even got around to the bubbles).

Take the good with the bad. Go online to read some more reviews if you're on the fence, but seriously? It's not some big huge strap-on you have to worry about - it's sexy fun in a little pink bubble. Take it for what it is: A relaxing, fun time in warm water with your lover and you'll like it just fine.

I've been feeling a TON better lately. No Lyme symptoms since early July. The amount of work I've been able to plan and get done has been incredible. It's like my old self has finally come back. I'm going to try not to think about what will happen when I go off my antibiotics next month.

I've got a new blog in the works - one in which I hope to position on Kindle to make some money. Whether it will succeed or not remains to be seen. I started a new middle grade book for my kids-- which I don't plan on selling, I'm doing it for them, but if it turns out well I will certainly market it. Another non-fiction blog, under a new pen name, based on the knowledge I've gained this past year while learning to live gluten free.

On that note, I have to head back to the doctor's. Not too thrilled about that. May have to get another endoscopy to check my EE and if it's under control, may have to have my throat ballooned open again... but overall, still better than dealing with Lyme.

I'm starting the sexy short erotica stories I had talked about months ago... let's see what else.... I added five new writers to Wicked, with one more in the wings who'll be ready in three months (after her book is edited and submitted to her publisher).

Oh, and my biggest news in a while -- more of a personal revelation than anything else. I don't think my book is going to sell to the NY publishers. I know my agent says they take a looooong time in reading it and getting back to you. But this seems very very long. Granted two have had it since May, but the first two (and the biggest in the industry) have had it since March.

I haven't lost all hope, it still clings in me like a burr to a sock, but I'm starting to take steps in case things don't pan out. I had just started the self publishing route when I got an agent in March. I'm going to pick back up where I left off and proceed with a plan to self publish before the holidays.

This means I have to do one more pass on the MS with editing, write my glossary, draw my map, do my contributor page, acknowledgement page, format, and a TON of other stuff to make the book look as professional as possible. I'm attending a webinar next week on enhanced ebooks, so I may even try to add some of what I learn in with the ebook launch (same time as the print launch).

To learn all about ebooks I bought myself a Kindle DX. So far I'm digging it-- much better than last year's tinier model with no 3G. I'm still learning the ins and outs and today I may take a few hours to plow through the rest of the manual and learn how to download the existing ebooks I have been given. I'm enjoying the clarity of the screen, the way the e-ink looks and the feel of the device in my hands.

I opted for the bigger one so it would feel more like a real book page, but yes, it is heavier and takes some getting used to. Unlike the ipad I tried out - which is much more than an ereader and too heavy to hold comfortably for even five minutes. Not that this gadget girl doesn't want one, but I need to stick with the real reason I want one - as an ereader, not a new portable computer I can take everywhere with me.

Have you ever heard the adage "If you try a new habit for three weeks it becomes a part of your life"?

On that note, I'm taking some steps to manage all these goals I have for myself as well as getting healthy. Here are my "new habits":

1) Drink more water throughout the day
2) Exercise daily every morning
3) Write two gluten free blog posts daily (under a different name, I'll tell you when I have enough on the page to make it worthy)
4) Write for one hour minimum before noon on a current project

I've dropped my kids at camp and had some yogurt with my daily meds, so it's time to grab some water and go exercise. I have 2 1/2 hours to get the rest done before I have to pick my daughter up.

Wah-pesh! Back to work!

Cheers~
C.J.

We've covered some interesting topics so far - a large pink conical device, foam shapes to position yourself comfortably during the act, and the all important: lubrication. But I haven't gone all out and mentioned any actual "toys" yet. I'm breaking you all in slowly (so to speak ;-) I'll save the crop for later). If I bring out the big guns right away you may all run away screaming madly.

This week we're covering something small, cheap and (depending how long your man can keep it up) fun for one night only. It may not wind up being your go-to toy for every occasion, but for a weekend get-a-way with your lover or a surprise gift, the price can't be beat.


I discovered this little gadget a few years ago by accident. I think it may have been one of those toys I read a review for and thought "Hey, what the hell. It's cheap." Or maybe it came free when I purchased a ludicrous amount around Valentine's one year, I don't remember.

It comes without a condom. I think it was originally packaged and sold with condoms only, but now you can get them condom free. If you've had kids, are over the age of 40, and in a safe monogamous relationship, then one of you needs to get fixed. And unless the woman is undergoing a c-section when you make this life altering decision (which is what we did), then it should be the guy.

A little snip you can recover from over the weekend with ice is not the same as major surgery for a woman. Get the snip. You won't regret it. Sex in the kitchen! Sex on the rug! Sex in the woods! Really -- you can break-in every room in your house when your kids are not around. Safe sex does wonders for spontaneity. It feels great and is incredibly freeing.

We have friends that "got snipped", and the equipment works fine. So any selfish son-of-a-bitch who'd rather force his wife to get a tubal ligation (not involved with a c-section) instead of getting the snip deserves to be smacked. Such a man does not deserve condom free sex -- ever!

Okay, climbing off my soap box.

The vibrating cock ring is fun. Has anyone ever heard the song by Big & Rich Save a Horse. Ride a Cowboy ? I was laughing my butt off the first time I heard the song - thinking sexy, naughty thoughts through the whole thing. Here's the video - but yes, forgive me, it is a country song (and no, I'm not a country fan). I had hoped for hot guys in the video, but they went the hot girl route instead (totally mossed the point of the song in my mind!).

Back on topic: yes, the girl on top position works great with this gadget. The ring has staying power of at least twenty minutes, so you can try other positions as well and see which one helps to poise the vibrating nub exactly where it will do the most good.

The one I'm reviewing this week bills itself as The Original Inner Vibe, and of course I bought it at my favorite place-- drugstore.com! (click for their listing) When I say cheap - I mean CHEAP! Your spouse's little penny-pinching heart won't find fault in a fun little gadget that costs $6.79!

How can you go wrong? I mean honestly, it could last ten minutes, get you revved up, leave you hanging and it would still be worth the cost. Our babysitter makes more than that in an hour of watching our kids.

Out of 23 total reviews, it earned four stars on the site. Lots of reviews were pretty short, so here is a mix of them:

Enjoyed it the first time but that may be the novelty. Waiting for my wife to suggest it again. Other toys more popular with her.

this is our first toy of this type. i wanted something to use during intercourse to stimulate the special girl spot, but the vibration is just too weak. it was easy to put on and take off, but my husband said it squeezes him and is not really comfortable. i have to sit in an unnatural position to try to reach the vibrating nubs because it's really too small. the ad said it had a short battery life, so i bought two. but we haven't used it long enough to use the first battery. it's really been more of a distraction than an aid, fortunately it didn't cost much.

Amazing Product! most powerful we've tried yet.

It was ok, just the battery life is to short.

Love this product. Will buy again.

Works very well!!!!

We've tried most of the "starter" vibrating rings and this one is definitely the best. Well made, fairly good vibs, and can prolong "activities". One didn't last long, but most can last a couple sessions. If you haven't tried rings before, this is the best one to buy.

What can I say? Loved it ...loved it...loved it. Both my husband and I thought it was so awesome! I just ordered 5 more!!! Worth the money. Used it without the condom though.

It would make a great gag gift, part of a weekend or vacation travel kit, stocking stuffer, or Valentine's addition. Splurge! Have fun!

If you are on the fence about buying a "toy," let this be your first one. It doesn't cost a lot if you hate it, and it's always fun to try something new.

This week has been the best I've felt in three weeks or more. This latest Herxheimer reaction has really hit me hard and my body is still recovering from it. My body hurts, I'm achey - and I will never look at an arthritic elderly person the same way ever again - but still better than a little bit ago.

Pete and I did some projects in the house this weekend. Replacing a dishwasher last weekend and destroying a bunch of tiles left us in a quagmire. Dozens of cracked tiles and now some shattered ones left us scrambling to get a new floor in place before we schedule an appraisal (we want to re-fi to lower our rate and the house will have a full detailed walk-through appraisal done). It also prompted me to clean up, donate, give-away, reorganize and do tons of laundry.

All in addition to two July 4th parties (not here, out at other people's houses) and high nineties heat (it was over a hundred today!). I'm tired and I'm limping, but I feel like I've accomplished something.

Pete did the floor - so he gets all the credit. Here are some pics to see the transformation, and yes, pardon the cluttered counters. I really should have cleaned them off before I took the pic, but we had to step around the big man in the kitchen for two days, so eh, it didn't get done.



The job had already started by the time I remembered my camera.

I've hit a rough patch right now and need to take a break from pressuring myself beyond what I'm physically able to do. Which means I plan to take a break from writing my second book for a bit. I don't see the big rush when the first one hasn't sold and the Lyme Disease is making it hard to concentrate, so I decided to work on something lighter and shorter.

Pete and I have often joked that our lives are like a Seinfeld episode. We lived outside the NY metro area for the first seven years of being together and the attitude prevalent in NY and NJ made for some pretty funny tales (hence Seinfeld's appeal). Most stories will be from mine and Pete's own personal experience in life, but some will be from friends.

I don't plan on doing name changes, because most of my friends don't know I write a blog and won't know to look for it. But, maybe if friends get on my back about it later I will.

Here it begins, Story Number One.

Today's tale is not mine, but from a friend, Tommy McNally. To know Tom is to love him. He's a wiry, five-foot-ten Irish guy in his forties with an attitude, 165 pounds soaking wet, blotchy skin and red hair. His nickname in school was McNasty, and some days more than others, he earned it.

Tommy used to a be a trader on Wall Street. He's since moved on to a less stressful job for health reasons, but this event harks back about eleven or twelve years ago to when he rode the bus from the Port Authority in Manhattan each day to his place in Hoboken.

One day on the ride home, sitting with a bunch of other commuters in suits and dresses as they all quietly contemplate their day or the evening ahead of them, Tom sees a man sit in the back of the bus who is not like all the other commuters. He's dressed in casual clothes, and can best be described as an angry young man, who perhaps doesn't earn as much as the other patrons on the bus or maybe he's a college kid heading home from visiting friends - whatever.

This man doesn't like the suits and starts to throw things - waded up paper and bits of food at the back of all the short haircuts displayed in front of him. This goes on for a bit. He's successfully nailed pretty much everyone on the bus, but no one says a thing. The tension in the bus rises and lots of people are shifting in their seats, barley controlling their annoyance at being hit in the head with stuff over and over again.

A boiling rage takes hold of Tommy. If you knew Tom, you'd know this rage is probably only a 12-pack of beer away at most times, but this is after work and he's usually a pretty low-key guy when he's not laughing at you. No longer able to read his paper and block out the angry young man, he crumples it in his fist when another wad of something hits the back of his head.

He stands and yells, "That's it! I'm not going to take it anymore!" A mighty yell works its way out of his enraged face as he turns and addresses his fellow commuters,"Who's with me!?!"

Four or five other pissed-off suit-wearing bus riders, men Tom has only nodded to in passing for months, stand up at Tommy's call and advance on the young man in the back of the bus. A few punches are thrown and chaos ensues while the angry, casually-dressed man is subdued.

The bus driver pulls over without a word being spoken and opens the folding doors. The suits drag the young man off the bus where he is unceremoniously thrown on the side of the road. The doors close and the bus pulls away, amid applause and cheering the likes of which have never been heard on a commuter bus before.

Tommy and the others return to their seats - amid much back-slapping, high-fives, thank you's and general lifting of spirits.

Who would have thought a group of near strangers would come together over a common menace one day on the way home from work? Not Tommy, that's for sure.

Hope you enjoyed it!

~C.J.

Ahh.. and here we are dear readers, back again talking about great sex toys. I know most all of you are uncomfortable posting opinions on such a questionable topic with your own name - so I've opened the comments up to anonymous ones as well. But beware, I will delete hate, slamming, preaching crap and "you're a tramp" type of comments.

Hey, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.




But before I get into that and tell you my favorite, I have something sensitive to cover: Shaving.

Most men act like this is only a woman's role, obviously, I'm not counting the shaving they daily do/or do not do on their own faces. We shave our legs and underarms, our bikini area, closer in where the bikini does not cover - and even do some artful trimming. Having no hair in certain areas ensures better access to those areas by your lover.

If it can be touched, it can be licked. If it can be fondled it can be sucked. So answer me this: Who in the hell wants hair in their mouth or... ugh... stuck in their teeth?

I've opened many a lover's eye to the joys of shaving. Here's my party line as I slaver up their unmentionables while holding a razor in my hand: It makes it look bigger, and every place that is hair-free will get a TON of attention.

Need I say more?

Men! Get out those razors and shave with care. Your partners have eager and loving mouths just waiting to explore you. Seriously. I'm not kidding. If you haven't done any man-scaping at this point in your life then you should and someone should smack your partner for accepting anything less.
Dilapidation has been around since before the Kama Sutra was written-- servants were employed strictly to hand-tweeze the genitalia of the wealthy. And the mere thought of tweezing that most sensitive of areas leaves me shuddering.

Okay - moving on past the uncomfortable hygiene lesson. Once you're smooth and ready for action here is the product to try:

The BEST lubrication I've ever used, and one I would buy stock in the company if I could, is Pjur, Original Formula, Super Concentrated Body Glide made by a company in Germany and available worldwide (but of course you can buy it right at Drugstore.com. Isn't that place just great?).

This product is fabulous for so many reasons - first, it's highly concentrated. Very little goes a long, long way - please keep that in mind when you use it (and it makes the price that much easier to understand). It is odorless and almost tasteless, although I can detect a little taste and so I plan accordingly on when to apply it. It lasts through long encounters. Having to re-lube or have the friction overpower the lube is never fun. Choosing a good product right out of the gate never cuts into the moment, it only enhances it. And last, but certainly not least, it never gets sticky, it stays the same throughout the encounter.

Here are some of the reviews online - and out of 73, almost all were 4 and 5 stars (giving it an overall rating of 4.5)

We discovered this product years ago and it is simply the best lubricant on the market. We've tried other "premium" lubricants and, frankly, they just don't hold a candle to this one. It's long lasting, isn't sticky, and washes off easily. Sure it's a bit on the expensive side, but you use much less than you do for other brands of lubricant. Well worth the extra $ in our opinion. Plus, the cap stays on tightly preventing accidental leaks. All in all probably the best lubricant we've ever used.

Pricey, but lasts for a few years. Just a few drops are plenty to lubricate making every thrust very smooth. Extremely enjoyable!

**personal observation here - a few years?  They need to have more sex!! Maybe six to nine months, but years? Eek-gads!

I was introduced to this product by a boyfriend years ago and have kept an eye out for it ever since!! Not only did I find it here, the price is significantly lower than a store I happened to find it at the week after I got my order from here delivered! You don't need a lot, and by that I mean start with one drop and see if you need a second, the reapplication is almost never needed, and it just makes the whole experience that much better, be it boyfriend or toybox you are spending the evening with!

Due to post menopause and sjogren's sydrome the issue of intercourse had been an impossibility for over 5 years. Now I have returned confidence and intimacy with my partner. This product is fantastic. No more burning or friction. Forget the replens product.

It takes some getting used to if you use water-based lubes most of the time, but in the end it's worth it. I have been searching for the best "backdoor" lube and have tried a lot of great products, but this one really takes the cake - the greatest selling point is that it does not need to be re-wetted. It's also thick enough that you don't need to use very much, and it warms up instantly - none of those "this might be cold" moments, haha. Like others have mentioned, it does not get sticky, and makes skin very soft and nice-feeling! You need to use less, and it lasts forever, so even though it costs more, it lasts a lot longer than other lubes, and is well worth the price, to me. However, I have found it is not really suitable to use with silicone toys as it seems to melt them a little (oops) and is very difficult to wash off.

I've been using it for over ten years now, when it used to be called Eros, and if this company ever goes under I'll be buying the stuff by the case to ensure I never run out in my lifetime.


Little known fact on another reason why to have lube on hand: Women who take baths (over showers) may not get the fast response from their bodies they are used to (and thus, may require assistance from an outside lubrication) - the warm water leeches moisture from their skin. All of their skin, inside and out.

So even if you're soaking in the tub with the latest erotica book, gearing yourself up to seduce your husband, or enjoying a soak in anticipation to a pre-arranged lover's tryst - please be aware that the bath water will leave you not as "ready" as you might like (or as ready as your mind is after all that sexy reading!).

Lube is every lover's friend. It will allow you to explore positions and openings you may not have in the past, it can help give you a satisfying quickie, it can speed up your enjoyment of a tryst if your lover is large and your body isn't accommodating as fast as you'd like, it can make those toys feel incredible, and as you age it can help replace the natural moisture your body produces due to less hormones.

Pjur is a silicone based lube. This is important! Do not use it with silicone based toys. It creates a surface reaction on the toy that breaks down the item's silicone, causing it to deteriorate and lose the slickness that makes silicone toys so special. For these types you'll need a water-based lubricant.

A good one I've found is called Wet. But it still isn't as good as the Pjur, so that means I don't buy many silicone toys. Yes, I like the product that much. Oh and in doing research for this post for online links, I discovered there is a new product called Pjur Aqua that is a water based product, so I'll be buying that today to see how well it works. The reviews were split on whether it was any good, so who knows.


Grab that lube and get your freaky on! The fun has just begun!

~C.J.

I seem to have an issues with excesses lately. I partied a little too hard this weekend and I'm feeling the effects today, that's for damn sure. Where are my noble desires to eat right, exercise and take care of myself?

I'm discovering, albeit the hard way, that having a chronic illness can really weaken the personal resolutions we have in life. It seems I can juggle family, writing, editing, house, friends, cooking, exercising and various medications - but not all of them at the same time.

I had a great week of exercise (two weeks ago) and then last week was filled with pain. I'm not sure when the weakness in muscles and joints snuck up on me again, for a while there I thought it was from walking and swimming. But last week I started feeling much older than I am. I'm having trouble on the stairs and walking.

Rather than face the issue that my medications aren't working as well, and perhaps I need to do something about it, I found a new drink when Pete and I went out to dinner last week and I cooked up a low-calorie version--and proceeded to drink way too much of it this weekend. It is seriously yummy.

During my sober moments, before drinking started at four p.m. (because hey, let's face it - even when I drink and go overboard I still do so responsibly), Pete and I talked about the picc line option for antibiotics again. I naively thought it cost around two thousand dollars for the whole treatment. Yes, that's a lot of money, but we have insurance and they'll cover most of it.

It turns out, with the hospital visit to install the line, that one month of treatment is around five thousand. Unaware of this price, I told my doctor that we'd pay for my next treatment if the insurance company won't. Apparently, they have no supporting data that a second picc line treatment will do any more good over longer treatments of oral antibiotics, so they don't always approve them. And some people are on a picc line for months.


Which means we may foot the five to ten thousand dollar treatment ourselves. It won't make us destitute, but it puts a damper on most all of our plans for the foreseeable future. We bought Pete's mom a small duplex this winter and our accounts were wiped out from that. We have retirement plans we can borrow from, so we're doing better than most people and I'm certainly not complaining. Just stating facts.

The real irony is, if I don't work my ass off selling my book when it does get a contract, that my meds will wind up costing more than I'll ever make on the book. The book I wrote to distract my self from my illnesses. Isn't that funny?

Most people think authors make a butt load of money on their books - and sure that might happen if you're a NYT bestseller, but that is not the case with most of the books being produced monthly. The may make five to ten grand if they are lucky.


So today, I'm going to go against doctor's order from six or eight weeks ago (seriously, I'd have to read my own damn blog to remember exactly and how freakin sad is that?), when he told me not to do supplements and it was okay to have a drink now and then.  I don't think he was counting on me drinking almost half a litre-sized vodka bottle in 3 days (see? I said it wasn't that bad, but it was bad for me!). I will research the supplements and my current meds to see if any will counteract the antibiotics efficiency, but I have to do something.

The physical issues from Lyme's are making me depressed and pushing me closer to the edge of drinking too much. Which certainly can't be helping me get better. This much I am sure of.

My husband joked this morning when he left for a two-day business trip, "Well, you should be better without me here as a bad influence." And sadly?  He's right. He drinks more than he should and it is really hard to not drink when he is. He also exercises daily, takes vitamins and supplements, ran the freakin NY marathon when he turned 40, and basically takes better care of himself than I do.

I have lots of excuses lately. But, just like most writers when they explain why they're not writing, we can all come up with dozens of reasons to support our actions rather than stop them.

I'm tired. I want to go back to bed. I want to cry because I feel like crap. But I won't. I'm going to get that damn book out on Lyme's, again, read what supplements they recommend, go buy them and start fighting this battle more actively. I obviously can't sit around and wait for this week-to-week roller coaster ride of effectiveness with the medication to rule my life. I can't wait to get better anymore.

I need to be part of the cure.

I'm going to go do some yoga stretches for the first time in weeks. See if I can get some of my muscles to ease up. Then buy several hundred dollars worth of supplements online. As far as "fun" shopping, I don't think it counts.

And if you hear me whimpering with muscle pain, give me swift kick in the ass (don't worry, I'll forget it in a few hours). No one said winning this battle against Lyme's would be easy and I'm just going through a rough patch is all.

C.J.