Why I Write
This isn't something I share with everyone, but the information is in my blog - so anyone can find it if they search back far enough. If you found this page it's because you clicked a link to get here. I don't have it listed under any tab on the site.
I've had a lot of people ask about how I wrote the book so fast or what drove me to write. Others want to know where I get my ideas from or how I had the discipline to sit down and write (the Q& A page answers a bunch of that). And a lot of the newcomers see my random posts or blog entries about doctors appointments and wonder what all that's about. I don't mind the questions. I'm grateful you have an interest and decided maybe I'd explain it a little.
I'm a regular person just like you. I'm not a wonder woman who somehow has a magic formula I can share. I do share, with whomever asks, what little writing advice I can give, but mainly I repeat what others have told me that has worked. What I can tell you that is different from other authors is why I write.
The people that read my blog know that I'm not the type of writer that has an instructional blog geared toward the industry or have any great insights into life to share. I use it like my personal journal and share my ups and downs. Mainly it's a place to share my triumphs and bang my head over the frustrations of my health (or my latest rejection) - and for readers to get to know me, the real me and not some picture on a website.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not dying or anything. There will be more books and hopefully when I find a publisher the books will be in the stores and you'll be able to buy them. I've had some health issues for two or three years, most of which I ignored.
Only when my symptoms required I stop my regular job as a Realtor and property manager did I decide to seek professional help. The first few doctors were a part of my regular medical group and they preformed lots of blood tests and sent me to a specialist. Who then preformed a procedure and sent me on my way with a prescription and told me to live with it. That there was nothing wrong.
My husband prompted me to try another specialist who was tenacious. That man ordered every conceivable test and from Oct '08 to January '09 I had more things done to me then I care to ever repeat. But in January we had the first diagnosis - Eosinophilic Esophagitis (or EE for short). Basically it means my body is sending white blood cells to attack my eosphagus when an allergen enters my body. Scar tissue can form over time and your throat gradually constricts making it hard to swallow.
I had a balloon procedure done in Dec '08 to open my throat back up and was warned I may need more of them over time. Next, my amazing and viligant doctor sent me to an allergist so we could find out what I was allergic too. At this point I think I was still in denial. I mean it didn't seem so bad, just have to avoid something I'm allergic to and I'll be okay.
But the thought of more tests freaked me out and I needed something to keep my mind off it all. After an incredibly fateful book club meeting one night, when I learned not one but two of my friends were attempting the American dream to write a novel I thought, "Why not?"
One friend drove me home and we talked for another sixty minutes or so in my driveway and I told her my ideas. Having not read any vampire books besides Twilight, or any genre fiction, she loved my idea. She really made me feel like it was clever and worthy of a read. So I started writing. She pushed me, inspired me and taught me more than I knew I needed. I write about that more in other blog entries so I'll continue on -
Next came all the allergist's test. The arm pricks, the under skin injections, the skin patches - you name it. Few results. The elimination diet was next. Weeks of removing foods and waiting to see an improvement. After three months we've got a BINGO!
Gluten.
I was confused what the difference was with a gluten intolerance and Celiac's Disease because I tested negative for blood markers for it last year on it. Basically if they can't find a lesion in your GI track to take a biopsy from and they can't find a blood marker that doesn't mean you don't have it. It means you're harder to diagnose. Once I cut gluten all my GI issues stopped and my throat stopped spasming shut.
Hurray!
Later on, I had to add sulfites to my list of allergens. So any of you keeping track out there who are closet lushes, like me, may have connected the dots. That means no beer and no white wine - turns out sulfites are used as a preservative in wine and even though they also occur naturally in fermentation, most wineries add a ton more.
Not wanting to give up one of life's most simple pleasures, I've discovered a very good gluten-free beer and organic wine with no additional sulfites added.
Thrilled I could control things with diet I proceeded to finish my book. For those of you who've been here from the beginning, you know I started my facebook fanpage page in April - a mere two months after I started writing. Two months!
I had maybe twelve chapters done and I wasn't sure if anyone would have an interest in it or not. Most writers take years to let anyone see there work. But I'm a business woman at heart and I honestly felt that if it sucked and no one wanted to read it that I shouldn't waste my time trying to finish it. Why not find out early?
Imagine my surprise when people liked it. Could this actually happen? I had hundreds of fans and only 75 or so were people I actually knew. I threw myself into writing - joining writing guilds, critiquing groups - anything I could to learn to write better.
It really was just what I needed to keep my mind off of things and whatever next medical test was around the corner. At one point, when I was on a liquid diet in June for my second colonoscopy I was writing a scene in the book when Vivian losses over half her blood. The hunger she has - the snake coiling in her gut - was inspired by the way I felt prepping for that test. So damn hungry!!
That prep and test are what revealed I have Celiac's. As my doctor so bluntly put it, "Throats don't close on an intolerance. By the way -- you need to start carrying an epi-pen, it could get worse. It's safe to say you have Celiac's even if the blood work says no." Later I found out 25% of cases don't have the blood indicators. So if you ever have a thought that you might have a gluten allergy eliminate it from your diet completely to see. And trust me, it's not an easy feat to do. Gluten is hidden everywhere.
I'd like - no love - to report that I was one of those common cases of Celiac's sufferes. Where the poor souls lose weight and get real skinny. What a bitch, huh? I was one of the rarer ones that gain weight. Probably all the booze and chocolate, but I'm not sure. I've lost some - but I'm currently 15 pounds over that pretty picture of me on the fan page. Eh, I'll lose it eventually so I'm not going to stress about it too much.
Trucking along to summer time, where I attend my first writing conference. I had finished my book only two weeks prior and already had my first rejection letter to qualify for PRO status. Basically that means I've finished my manuscript and have tried to seek representation and/or sell my work. PRO status doesn't mean I've succeeded yet.
I had a few set backs over July and August as I slipped up with foods and drink - or ingested something with hidden gluten. But let's be serious people - it's not like I'm gonna die from it or anything.
By the time September rolls around I'm seriously submitting in writing contests and polishing the full MS. I had four editor requests for the full novel from the convention and thought it would be best if I had an agent first before I sent it in - and let's face it - the book wasn't ready yet to go out, I had only typed the last words fourteen days before and it still needed to be edited and critiqued by my peers. The agents rejected V V and I'd been a little busy with the doctors and all but I did plan on trying more of them.
The kids are back in school and instead of feeling better and having more time to focus on the book I've noticed that for weeks I've been scattered in my thoughts and having a hard time focusing. I'm exhausted and having trouble finding words when I speak. It all snuck up on me so slowly that I'm not even sure when it all began, but all of a sudden it's draining the life out of me and I want to cry most days and take naps.
When my left pinkie starts to go numb for hours at a time I decide to pay attention. That's when I can no longer dismiss my tingling feet as too many hours at the computer and perhaps I'm lazy and should exercise more. Once the tingling pinkie hits eight-hours-a-day for two weeks I call the doctor. Terms like MS (multiple sclerosis) and vitamin deficiencies get thrown about and more tests are done.
I find out I'm vitamin D deficient so maybe that's the trick. I have several neighbors with Lyme Disease and they urged me to get tested because they had vitamin D issues as well and it can be a result of Lyme's. I take the Lyme's test, so sure I don't have it - and get results on the day I'm at the neurologist's discussing MS.
Turns out I've got Lyme's and there was some concern that with my neurological signs it may have traveled to my brain already. One spinal tap later and a week I'll forever call the Week of Hell (I was laid up in bed healing from a spinal leak and they would not do a blood patch due to a worry it would inject the Lyme's bacteria into my central nervous system) and I get the good news that there's no Lyme's in my brain.
Unfortunately, they found multiple oligocolonal banding in my spinal fluid (that also matches what's in my blood) which shouldn't be there. Something about the blood and central nervous system barrier and the protein antibodies weren't normal. It's all a bit over my head.
This has of course triggered more tests - could this be early signs of MS or is it related to Lyme's? I personally think it's got to be Lyme's. What are the chances I'd have diagnoses of two auto-immune diseases and Lyme's in less than nine months and then get MS on top of that?
Apparently if you have one or more auto-immune diseases you can easily get more. Your immune system is off and it basically attacks your organs, which ones it decides to attack and why determines what name they give it. My dad has Crohn's and my paternal grandmother's sister died of complications from Lupus - both auto-immune diseases. So we'll have to see.
My point to all of this was to share a bit of myself with you. The face or name behind the cover of a book is a real person, just like you. We have lives and bills and medical problems - you get the gist.
If I can do this and juggle MRI's, cat scans, endoscopies, flouroscopies, colonoscopies, video capsule imaging, allergy testing, blood work, EMG's with lots of needles, a lumbar puncture spinal tap, and so many follow-up appointments with no less than five specialists then please don't ever discount the fact that you can too. It's not rocket science. It takes determination.
I write to escape. I write to dream. I write because it was one of the few things I could do this year that was my own and not go insane.
I am continually humbled by the support for my work and kind words offered by everyone on Facebook. My peers scoffed at me when I told them I released my some of work for feedback and set up a fan page. They claimed that an agent and a publisher wouldn't care about how many "friends" I had. That all it proved was I was popular and not that I will sell any books. But I didn't understand - didn't they get the big picture? These were real readers I was reaching - real people!
Well, considering I was a nobody in school and participated in role-playing games, in college I can guarantee I've never been popular in my life. Sure, I have friends and I know how to throw a damn good party. But I definitely don't fall into the category of who'd you call if you want a 'yes' man. I'm the one you call for honesty, support, and a kick in the ass if you sound whiney.
I'll keep you posted sporadically on the medical stuff, but like I've said over and over - it could always be worse, it's not cancer or anything serious. Just Celiac's, EE and Lyme's and as far as I know none of them can kill you.
So - Thanks - for all the honesty, the support and the kicks when I need them. What started as a dream has become a reality because of all of you. I sincerely hope when this book gets published that I'm sent on a book tour in a city nearby and you can come to see me. I'd like the chance to thank you, in person, for believing in me and in my book.
This isn't something I share with everyone, but the information is in my blog - so anyone can find it if they search back far enough. If you found this page it's because you clicked a link to get here. I don't have it listed under any tab on the site.
I've had a lot of people ask about how I wrote the book so fast or what drove me to write. Others want to know where I get my ideas from or how I had the discipline to sit down and write (the Q& A page answers a bunch of that). And a lot of the newcomers see my random posts or blog entries about doctors appointments and wonder what all that's about. I don't mind the questions. I'm grateful you have an interest and decided maybe I'd explain it a little.
I'm a regular person just like you. I'm not a wonder woman who somehow has a magic formula I can share. I do share, with whomever asks, what little writing advice I can give, but mainly I repeat what others have told me that has worked. What I can tell you that is different from other authors is why I write.
The people that read my blog know that I'm not the type of writer that has an instructional blog geared toward the industry or have any great insights into life to share. I use it like my personal journal and share my ups and downs. Mainly it's a place to share my triumphs and bang my head over the frustrations of my health (or my latest rejection) - and for readers to get to know me, the real me and not some picture on a website.
Don't get me wrong - I'm not dying or anything. There will be more books and hopefully when I find a publisher the books will be in the stores and you'll be able to buy them. I've had some health issues for two or three years, most of which I ignored.
Only when my symptoms required I stop my regular job as a Realtor and property manager did I decide to seek professional help. The first few doctors were a part of my regular medical group and they preformed lots of blood tests and sent me to a specialist. Who then preformed a procedure and sent me on my way with a prescription and told me to live with it. That there was nothing wrong.
My husband prompted me to try another specialist who was tenacious. That man ordered every conceivable test and from Oct '08 to January '09 I had more things done to me then I care to ever repeat. But in January we had the first diagnosis - Eosinophilic Esophagitis (or EE for short). Basically it means my body is sending white blood cells to attack my eosphagus when an allergen enters my body. Scar tissue can form over time and your throat gradually constricts making it hard to swallow.
I had a balloon procedure done in Dec '08 to open my throat back up and was warned I may need more of them over time. Next, my amazing and viligant doctor sent me to an allergist so we could find out what I was allergic too. At this point I think I was still in denial. I mean it didn't seem so bad, just have to avoid something I'm allergic to and I'll be okay.
But the thought of more tests freaked me out and I needed something to keep my mind off it all. After an incredibly fateful book club meeting one night, when I learned not one but two of my friends were attempting the American dream to write a novel I thought, "Why not?"
One friend drove me home and we talked for another sixty minutes or so in my driveway and I told her my ideas. Having not read any vampire books besides Twilight, or any genre fiction, she loved my idea. She really made me feel like it was clever and worthy of a read. So I started writing. She pushed me, inspired me and taught me more than I knew I needed. I write about that more in other blog entries so I'll continue on -
Next came all the allergist's test. The arm pricks, the under skin injections, the skin patches - you name it. Few results. The elimination diet was next. Weeks of removing foods and waiting to see an improvement. After three months we've got a BINGO!
Gluten.
I was confused what the difference was with a gluten intolerance and Celiac's Disease because I tested negative for blood markers for it last year on it. Basically if they can't find a lesion in your GI track to take a biopsy from and they can't find a blood marker that doesn't mean you don't have it. It means you're harder to diagnose. Once I cut gluten all my GI issues stopped and my throat stopped spasming shut.
Hurray!
Later on, I had to add sulfites to my list of allergens. So any of you keeping track out there who are closet lushes, like me, may have connected the dots. That means no beer and no white wine - turns out sulfites are used as a preservative in wine and even though they also occur naturally in fermentation, most wineries add a ton more.
Not wanting to give up one of life's most simple pleasures, I've discovered a very good gluten-free beer and organic wine with no additional sulfites added.
Thrilled I could control things with diet I proceeded to finish my book. For those of you who've been here from the beginning, you know I started my facebook fanpage page in April - a mere two months after I started writing. Two months!
I had maybe twelve chapters done and I wasn't sure if anyone would have an interest in it or not. Most writers take years to let anyone see there work. But I'm a business woman at heart and I honestly felt that if it sucked and no one wanted to read it that I shouldn't waste my time trying to finish it. Why not find out early?
Imagine my surprise when people liked it. Could this actually happen? I had hundreds of fans and only 75 or so were people I actually knew. I threw myself into writing - joining writing guilds, critiquing groups - anything I could to learn to write better.
It really was just what I needed to keep my mind off of things and whatever next medical test was around the corner. At one point, when I was on a liquid diet in June for my second colonoscopy I was writing a scene in the book when Vivian losses over half her blood. The hunger she has - the snake coiling in her gut - was inspired by the way I felt prepping for that test. So damn hungry!!
That prep and test are what revealed I have Celiac's. As my doctor so bluntly put it, "Throats don't close on an intolerance. By the way -- you need to start carrying an epi-pen, it could get worse. It's safe to say you have Celiac's even if the blood work says no." Later I found out 25% of cases don't have the blood indicators. So if you ever have a thought that you might have a gluten allergy eliminate it from your diet completely to see. And trust me, it's not an easy feat to do. Gluten is hidden everywhere.
I'd like - no love - to report that I was one of those common cases of Celiac's sufferes. Where the poor souls lose weight and get real skinny. What a bitch, huh? I was one of the rarer ones that gain weight. Probably all the booze and chocolate, but I'm not sure. I've lost some - but I'm currently 15 pounds over that pretty picture of me on the fan page. Eh, I'll lose it eventually so I'm not going to stress about it too much.
Trucking along to summer time, where I attend my first writing conference. I had finished my book only two weeks prior and already had my first rejection letter to qualify for PRO status. Basically that means I've finished my manuscript and have tried to seek representation and/or sell my work. PRO status doesn't mean I've succeeded yet.
I had a few set backs over July and August as I slipped up with foods and drink - or ingested something with hidden gluten. But let's be serious people - it's not like I'm gonna die from it or anything.
By the time September rolls around I'm seriously submitting in writing contests and polishing the full MS. I had four editor requests for the full novel from the convention and thought it would be best if I had an agent first before I sent it in - and let's face it - the book wasn't ready yet to go out, I had only typed the last words fourteen days before and it still needed to be edited and critiqued by my peers. The agents rejected V V and I'd been a little busy with the doctors and all but I did plan on trying more of them.
The kids are back in school and instead of feeling better and having more time to focus on the book I've noticed that for weeks I've been scattered in my thoughts and having a hard time focusing. I'm exhausted and having trouble finding words when I speak. It all snuck up on me so slowly that I'm not even sure when it all began, but all of a sudden it's draining the life out of me and I want to cry most days and take naps.
When my left pinkie starts to go numb for hours at a time I decide to pay attention. That's when I can no longer dismiss my tingling feet as too many hours at the computer and perhaps I'm lazy and should exercise more. Once the tingling pinkie hits eight-hours-a-day for two weeks I call the doctor. Terms like MS (multiple sclerosis) and vitamin deficiencies get thrown about and more tests are done.
I find out I'm vitamin D deficient so maybe that's the trick. I have several neighbors with Lyme Disease and they urged me to get tested because they had vitamin D issues as well and it can be a result of Lyme's. I take the Lyme's test, so sure I don't have it - and get results on the day I'm at the neurologist's discussing MS.
Turns out I've got Lyme's and there was some concern that with my neurological signs it may have traveled to my brain already. One spinal tap later and a week I'll forever call the Week of Hell (I was laid up in bed healing from a spinal leak and they would not do a blood patch due to a worry it would inject the Lyme's bacteria into my central nervous system) and I get the good news that there's no Lyme's in my brain.
Unfortunately, they found multiple oligocolonal banding in my spinal fluid (that also matches what's in my blood) which shouldn't be there. Something about the blood and central nervous system barrier and the protein antibodies weren't normal. It's all a bit over my head.
This has of course triggered more tests - could this be early signs of MS or is it related to Lyme's? I personally think it's got to be Lyme's. What are the chances I'd have diagnoses of two auto-immune diseases and Lyme's in less than nine months and then get MS on top of that?
Apparently if you have one or more auto-immune diseases you can easily get more. Your immune system is off and it basically attacks your organs, which ones it decides to attack and why determines what name they give it. My dad has Crohn's and my paternal grandmother's sister died of complications from Lupus - both auto-immune diseases. So we'll have to see.
My point to all of this was to share a bit of myself with you. The face or name behind the cover of a book is a real person, just like you. We have lives and bills and medical problems - you get the gist.
If I can do this and juggle MRI's, cat scans, endoscopies, flouroscopies, colonoscopies, video capsule imaging, allergy testing, blood work, EMG's with lots of needles, a lumbar puncture spinal tap, and so many follow-up appointments with no less than five specialists then please don't ever discount the fact that you can too. It's not rocket science. It takes determination.
I write to escape. I write to dream. I write because it was one of the few things I could do this year that was my own and not go insane.
I am continually humbled by the support for my work and kind words offered by everyone on Facebook. My peers scoffed at me when I told them I released my some of work for feedback and set up a fan page. They claimed that an agent and a publisher wouldn't care about how many "friends" I had. That all it proved was I was popular and not that I will sell any books. But I didn't understand - didn't they get the big picture? These were real readers I was reaching - real people!
Well, considering I was a nobody in school and participated in role-playing games, in college I can guarantee I've never been popular in my life. Sure, I have friends and I know how to throw a damn good party. But I definitely don't fall into the category of who'd you call if you want a 'yes' man. I'm the one you call for honesty, support, and a kick in the ass if you sound whiney.
I'll keep you posted sporadically on the medical stuff, but like I've said over and over - it could always be worse, it's not cancer or anything serious. Just Celiac's, EE and Lyme's and as far as I know none of them can kill you.
So - Thanks - for all the honesty, the support and the kicks when I need them. What started as a dream has become a reality because of all of you. I sincerely hope when this book gets published that I'm sent on a book tour in a city nearby and you can come to see me. I'd like the chance to thank you, in person, for believing in me and in my book.